#so excuse me if i dismiss everything you say based on that alone

[shitswiftiessay]

so the swifties are visiting my blog and they’re absolutely foaming at the mouth because i suggested that taylor isn’t radical or punk (god forbid). but they’re ignoring all the posts where i expose the rampant racism and misogyny in their fandom because they don’t give a shit about that. very telling and proving of my point about who they are as a fandom.

[obxsummer]

leave me again // jj maybank

pairing: ex!jj maybank x routledge!reader

request: Routledge reader and JJ broke up during the 18 months and now she watches him with Kie? 🫢👀

summary: based on the song by kelsea ballerini; after two years together, you return to outer banks only to lose jj to kiara in a blink of an eye.

warnings: minor szn 4 spoilers, angst hehehe

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--

You didn’t understand. You really didn’t. 

How could you go from such a beautiful relationship and one of the happiest times of your life to watching your best friend get together with your ex-boyfriend? It seemed like such a cruel joke to watch people who had been with you your entire life turn against you in this way. 

It took less than a week for JJ to cut things off after everyone came back from El Dorado, claiming he needed to reevaluate everything and take time for himself. Apparently, that didn’t last long, because three days later, you caught Kiara sharing his bed in Sarah’s rental condo, looking like the happiest he’d ever been.

"I can explain, just-"

The scene in front of you was sick. You'd heard JJ yell out in his sleep, something that was more common than not with his nightmares. Instincts had you in front of his door before you knew it, wanting to comfort him in case he needed someone. You didn't expect to find this.

JJ, shirtless, next to Kiara, of all people, who was wearing the boy's shirt. In bed. Together.

Whatever JJ wanted to say, you didn't give him a chance to hear it. Lips tucked in a thin line, you gave a nod. "Sorry for interrupting, hope everything's okay."

And with a smile on your face and no room for explanations, you closed the door.

“Are you still avoiding them?” Sarah’s voice came from behind as you watched JJ and Kie prep the boat for the upcoming dive. 

You huffed, “Do you blame me?”

She stopped to stand beside you, her eyes watching the duo on the boat move together. “There’s no chemistry.”

“Not a bit.”

Sarah watched you carefully as if she was waiting for the dam to break. In the almost three weeks JJ and Kie had been ‘together’, you hadn’t cried and you hadn’t lashed out. You’d told her the second you found them in bed and they started spewing excuses, you just apologized for interrupting and dismissed yourself with a smile.

John B was concerned. As your older brother, it was his job to defend you and watch out for you, no matter the circumstance. When the two of you first got together, John B made JJ swear that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, swearing there would be consequences. While you’d kept your cool, he did not and JJ managed to catch himself a black eye and swollen cheek as a result. 

“Has John B talked to them?”

“Has John B what?” Your brother interrupted your question as he joined the two of you in the shop, hauling a hefty backpack. He reached out to grab your shoulder and squeezed it lightly. “You okay?”

You nodded in response, clamping your mouth shut and looking back at the water. Kiara was going down on the dive with JJ, something about not leaving him alone which made your eyes roll. Pope and John B were going on the boat, leaving you, Sarah, and Cleo on shore to be lookout. 

“Are you lying to me?”

You’d lost so many pieces of yourself in the moments shared with JJ, allowing the vulnerability you had believed he would never take advantage of.  It was no surprise John B could see through the cracks you’d inevitably let form. You sighed, head dropping between your shoulder blades as you let out a steady breath. “I’m fine, Bee. Promise.”

John B was unconvinced by your words but didn’t push. He heard your almost silent crying at night. It was obvious you were hurting by the way you closed yourself off and hid in your skin. He hated that his so-called best friend was the one to treat you this way and cause you to feel like this. 

“You can take a break,” He reassured as his backpack dropped to the ground as he pulled you into a full hug and placed a kiss on your head. “Nobody would blame you.”

You hugged him back and fought off the tears that burned your eyes. There would be a point and time to talk about all of this, but it wasn’t here and now. If you were being honest, there was nothing you’d rather do than run away from Kildare right now, but it wouldn’t be the best option by any means.

“You guys ready up there?” JJ’s voice echoed around the morning air as he called out to John B. 

You hugged your brother tighter before letting go, forcing a smile on your lips. “Be careful, please?”

He rubbed your head lovingly, smiling when you tried to shove him away. “Always.”

You stepped away to give him time with Sarah and started to head back toward the house when someone called your name. JJ’s shoes stomped against the new wooden deck, the sound getting louder as he got closer. You froze in your spot as he rounded to stop you from walking away. “Can we talk?”

You stared at him for a moment, wondering how someone you loved so incredibly much could make you feel this way. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

When you moved to pass him, he grabbed your elbow gently to prevent it. “Please, I just want to get this out before… in case I don’t-”

“You’ll be back.” It was hard to avoid the instinct of reassuring him. He swallowed thickly and met your gaze. He would be back, you just didn't know if you'd be here to see it. The two of you hadn’t been alone since everything went down and there was plenty of awkwardness to show. 

“I just… I’m sorry. About everything. I should’ve told you, but it all happened so fast and-”

“Did you ever love me?” The question came out of your mouth before you could think about it. You wanted to ask it for a while, to find out exactly what went through his head when he let Kiara climb in bed with him that night.

The opening and closing of his mouth was enough of a response to shatter you. Tears formed faster than you liked as you nodded.

“Figured," You breathed out, "Goodbye, JJ.”

You left him on the dock and didn’t look back as you walked away. From him, from Kie, from the friends you considered family until they made you feel like anything but. You swore then and there that you would never fall for someone in that way again. 

After all, staying only made you get real good at pretend.

--

Coming back from the dive had been a mess of chaos. Kie and JJ were at the hospital recovering from nitrogen in their blood while the remainder of the group came back to the house with the amulet, hoping to figure out what was inscribed inside. 

John B called your name as he entered the house, practically bouncing in excitement to tell you what they’d found. You’d opted to stay back after speaking to JJ on the dock, which they didn’t fault you for, knowing you needed time alone.

When silence followed JB’s call, he frowned. Something wasn’t right. The main floor was empty, not a sign of you or your relative presence in the area. Room empty too, leaving John B to question where the hell you went. They had the Twinkie and the dirt bikes were outside which meant if you went anywhere it would be on your own two feet.

“John B.”

The tone in Sarah’s voice told him his intuition was right. She met him in the doorway of your room with a piece of paper in hand, holding it in his direction. He didn’t even need to read it to know the answer to his question.

You were gone. And you weren’t coming back any time soon.

--

part two here :)

a/n: i hate this i'm so sorry

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[mimimui]

Hihihi I love love love your worksss ahhh! Congratulations of 1k! May I request Jing Yuan or Blade with buko pandan?

(the menu including items being Filipino foods are so cute btw!)

don't make it obvious! (honkai star rail)

wherein you're secretly dating (character) and you both hide your relationship.

includes: jing yuan, blade

tags: mi's 1k, established relationship, fluff, i just realized it's difficult for me to write this prompt, not proofread

a/n: thank you thank yooou <3 there is no 'or' here, i will write for both >:( hcs for jing yuan and blade who hide their relationship with their s/o + i didn't think anyone would notice it was filipino food hehe .. enjoy !

JING YUAN

jing yuan's enemies are either dead or already captured, so them being a threat to you is out of the picture.

there really is no reason for you to hide your relationship with jing yuan, but you both prefer to keep it secret for privacy. you two agreed it's better to not have the public judge your relationship based only on what they see.

you don't have a difficult time with keeping the relationship a secret. jing yuan, however, can't always keep his hands to himself. when you're in public, he'll casually snake his arm around you waist, which you have to remind him to stop doing.

he'll sneak in a kiss on the cheek too if he's feeling sneaky, just to see your reaction to it.

it's hard not to laugh at the people who gush about jing yuan, talking about how they possibly had a chance with the general, if they were given the time.

yanqing would find it suspicious that jing yuan dismisses him every time you pay him a visit. he brushes it off though, thinking it's probably just two adults having a boring conversation.

poor little lieutenant.

(y/n): do you any plans on telling yanqing? jing yuan: i don't have any. (smiles) (y/n): what would he think if he finds out his general has been hiding a secret like this from him? jing yuan: that boy will understand. i don't want to tell him yet though, i'd prefer to keep you to myself.

overall, hiding your relationship with jing yuan is kind of fun. you can only imagine the reactions you'll receive from others when you tell them. if you ever decide to reveal this relationship, that is.

whatever you decide, jing yuan is with you. though he wants the show the entire luofu his love for you, he'd also keep it between you two if you wish.

BLADE

ever the remarkable sworsdman, blade could only ever fall to one person's hand—you.

he could never call you his weakness because you are everything but that. he finds strength when he's with you, and he says you're the one thing he's grateful for in the universe.

but he can't deny the fact his enemies will try to target you to get him, therefore making you a weakness.

you understand his side, and you know why he wishes to keep your relationship a secret—even from the other stellaron hunters. it's hard to find time for each other, but neither of you give up on it. every moment you two get alone together, you make the most of it.

it's not difficult to hide your relationship with blade, but finding the time and making the excuses to be with him is. after all, continuously using the excuse "i'm going out with a friend." is getting kind of suspicious.

it's also difficult when other people flirt with you or try to set you up with someone because you've been "single for too long."

for blade's sake, you reject all their offers and say you aren't interested in getting into a relationship at the moment.

there was one time you coincidentally went to the same place as blade, and he saw someone trying to get your attention. you actually congratulated him for not driving that person away from you when he saw.

(y/n): you weren't jealous? (teasing) blade: ... (y/n): congratulations, blade. you actually held back! blade: ...

you don't mind hiding your relationship with blade. though you wish you could be with him more openly, this just allows you to appreciate time spent with him more.

blade appreciates you all the same, and is willing to live a little longer because of you.

thanks for reading (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

[aihoshiino]

chapter 154 thoughts

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 11

Aqua Hoshigan Status: (Still) white

man

This is one of those chapters where, technically speaking, I should probably be tearing it to bits (AND I DEFINITELY WILL) - it represents a pretty substantial break in or retcon to the series continuity as it's been presented to us thus far and the actions of certain characters in the lead up to this event don't quite make sense if they've had access to some of the information that's seemingly been in their hands for a while but… would you guys forgive me if I said I didn't really care LOL. As I've said before, I'm the sort of reader who can excuse a lot of raw Plot Bullshit so long as I feel like the hearts of the characters are intact and for all its fumbles, this is a chapter I think is unerringly dedicated to the hearts of its characters. I've made no secret of the fact that Ai is and always has been my main avenue of investment in Oshi no Ko as a series and in this chapter, we uncover the final secret in her heart in particular after having the entire series thus far dedicated to laying it bare to us.

We pick up exactly where we left off last chapter with the reveal that the HKAI breakup was indeed founded on Ai's pregnancy, as a lot of us had predicted.

This, uh, does not quite line up with previous events!

From what we'd previously been told, in terms of placement in the timeline, the death of Airi and her husband happened after the twins were born and sometime in the leadup to the Dome concert, which would put it in the ballpark of Ai's 18th to 20th birthday depending on how long it was in the works for. But based on how this flashback section is structured, it seems to place their deaths before Ai even knew she was pregnant, let alone giving birth. If it was just clashing with 15YL's retelling then I could dismiss that as an element of the movie's fictionalization that we've seen and Kamiki alludes to but this also clashes with where this event was placed temporally by Ichigo, when remembering a real life event. So… What gives!!!!

Like, at the end of the day, the exact placement of Uehara's death only matters inasmuch as it needs to be before Ai gets her new apartment, since the point Ichigo is really making is that Aqua is pinning his hopes on a dead man who was dead before he could have ever contributed to Ai's murder. But placing it that far back in the timeline - before the twins were even born! - just makes Aqua's willful ignorance in relation to it come off as a lot sillier and more difficult to swallow than if it happened closer to Ai's actual date of death.

I'm also a little disappointed that we really quickly breeze past Ai revealing she's pregnant - it's not the point of the scene overall and it would be weird to go really deep into her POV in the middle of a Kamiki flashback but one of my big issues with the Movie Arc was that it ripped past anything and everything to do with Ai's pregnancy, including how she herself felt about being pregnant. Like I said in my 145 review, skipping over the parts of it we've seen makes sense but I think there's still a bunch of really fascinating potential in exploring how Ai felt when she realized she was pregnant - how did she hide it for long enough that she was almost halfway through her pregnancy and getting fucking enormous before her first checkup? How did Ichigo and Miyako react when they first got the news? There's so much juicy character and relationship work you could mine out of that but the story fails to do so. We sort of get a crumb of this in the DVD but her feelings there are all centered on the pregnancy in relation to Hikaru and even then she breezes past it so fast it's clearly not meant to be the focus of any of what she's saying and idk. For a character whose entire hook is her struggles with motherhood, familial love and all the rest of it, that's a little disappointing.

THAT SAID!!! All that makes me sound like I didn't like what went on with Ai this chapter but I actually loved it. It's so painfully in line with everything we've been told and shown about her thus far in the manga and in this chapter, we see all her strengths, weaknesses and human contradictions laid bare in a way I find incredibly rewarding and compelling.

The HKAI breakup especially is just soooooo deliciously cringe inducing. It's an echo of the argument with Nino that 15YL portrays, where Ai's good intentions, avoidant tendencies and absolute absence of tact all snowball and end up ruining one of her most important relationships. Like… I can't believe I'm about to say this about a conversation in which Ai is one of the people talking, but she really is the reasonable one here! She's right to identify that their relationship is not working, that adding babies and marriage to the mix will only make things worse - her intentions, as they always are, are good and she's making her decisions with Kamiki in mind… her delivery is just absolutely dogshit!!! GIRL, PLEASE, YOUR WORDS!!!! USE YOUR WORDS!!!!!

For all my issues with Akasaka's writing lately, I think he portrays these kinds of two sided failures of communication so well, where you can see exactly where both characters are coming from and why they are failing to get their feelings across to each other. From an outsider's POV it's clear as day that Ai views herself and her children as the burden, one she doesn't want to put on Kamiki for the sake of a girl who doesn't even know if she can love him… but is it any wonder why Kamiki took it the way he did and why his guts were so utterly wrenched out as a result?

Kamiki's attempted proposal and Ai's immediate rejection of it are really interesting with the context of 45510 in particular. Extrapolating from her talk of marriage there, she brushed him off so quickly because she simply didn't believe he was serious… and yeah, he's pretty clearly not fully cognizant of the weight of what he's trying to propose, never mind that he's meeting "let's break up" with "LET'S GET MARRIED" lol.

Also interesting to extrapolate from both 45510 and other material surrounding Ai is that, at that point in her life, she simply didn't understand what the point of marriage was. On top of her being Literally Sixteen And A Child right now, Ai is said to have come from a deeply dysfunctional home where her mother engaged in a number of equally dysfunctional relationships, at least one of whom was with a man who was creeping on Ai even as he was working up to marry her mom. It's no wonder she doesn't really take the idea of marriage seriously, but it still hurts so see her reject Kamiki so bluntly - even more bluntly in the Japanese text somehow, simply chirping 無理! (Muri!) in response, i.e, not just "no way" but telling Kamiki to his face it's impossible.

Honestly this whole breakup scene is so darkly hilarious just in terms of how bad Ai is completely beefing it. Congrats babygirl that's the worst anyone's ever done it!!!

And we finally get the "I can't love you" drop after just shy of 25 chapters of buildup…….. And honestly, it feels a little hollow.

I talked about this a little before so forgive me for repeating myself but that line - or rather, Aqua and Ruby's implied misunderstanding of it - from Ai to Hikaru was given a huge amount of weight in the story when it was first introduced. It was implied to be the lynchpin in which everything else about the HKAI romance rested only for the story to go UH WELL ACTUALLY IT'S ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT AI FORGIVES HER KILLER which is like… fine, it just feels very jarring on a reread or when trying to sew together a plot thread like this. It especially feels strange because the emphasis is placed on them not getting it right or at least that Gotanda disagrees with their interpretation, only for the manga to whip back around and not only return this line to its previous heightened importantance but also to largely not line up with what was established about this line and its place in the narrative when it was first introduced. It's just more evidence that Akasaka's plans for the Movie Arc and its resolution changed in some way during serialisation because these inconsistencies are pretty glaring.

Not just that, but like… it's hard to feel impacted by this line when we didn't even see it in the Movie Arc. In general, it's so fucking weird that so much about the main emotional resolutions going on right now revolve around Ruby's performance in the movie when most of the big emotional moments people are reacting to are happening entirely offscreen. This would already be bad even if it wasn't taking place in a manga like OnK with its increasingly frustrating habit of offscreening more and more bits of the story that are extremely important for the characters. Before this chapter I would've said that maybe we'd see some of it after the movie released but given that Kamiki's arc and the revenge play as a whole is pretty clearly wrapping here, what would even be the point of it?

Idk. It's just increasingly obvious (and just as frustrating) to me just how much of the Movie Arc was wasted time and how much of the setup that needed to happen to make what follows really land just… didn't. This chapter's resolution for Ai and Hikaru, both separately and as a couple, is still excellent, but it could have been a lot better if its foundations weren't so meager.

We also finally get concrete proof from the horse's mouth that Kamiki was the one who deliberately leaked Ai's address and……. honestly this is kind of a wet fart too lol. OnK has previously very strongly implied that "Kamiki is Ai's killer" was a red herring or that we should at least be slightly skeptical of Aqua's assertions and conclusions but… nope, he was right all along, I guess?? Alright………………………… I certainly don't believe his insistence that gosh he totes didn't think Ryosuke would go THAT far and I'm still wondering wtf the two of them were doing at the hospital the night the twins were born but like. Honestly at this point, I don't really think it matters and I care much more about emotional resolutions than I do granular plot details - and boy do we get one hell of an emotional resolution.

I haven't shouted her out yet because I was saving it for this section but fuck, man, Mengo's expression work told chapter is killer as usual but this final stretch of pages is just gutwrenching. Ai's gentle, rueful smile on the DVD contrasted with the look of shocked, dawning understanding on Kamiki's….. Jesus Christ.

And at last, we uncover the final secret hidden at the bottom of Ai's heart. The entire manga thus far has been a process of stripping away the viewer's willful ignorance with regards to Ai's humanity but the DVDs had been an oddly ominous mystery box floating around, containing some implied dark secret that would change the entire trajectory of Ai's character as we knew it… but of course, the person who tells us that is Ai herself, a girl who hates herself, thinks of herself as dirty and impure, irresponsible and incapable of love.

So is it really any surprise that her darkest secret, the thing she can only confess with her eyes shining with black stars is simply that she's a fallible human? That she was a lonely young girl, confused and hurt in her own ways and that she hurt someone she dearly cared for and wanted to take it back?

Is it a little convenient that she put all this in the DVD? Yes, absolutely, and I'll be the first to say that the DVDs existing at all are a pretty clear retcon in service of getting info onto Aqua's hands. But it's also perfectly in line with Ai's timid, avoidant methods of reaching out. It parallels both Viewpoint B and 45510 (moreso the latter) where she pours her heart out in words, waiting for others to read and understand her. In 45510 in particular, her leaving the blog post is an extremely clear and strong parallel to the DVD - love letters put into bottles and thrown to the ocean in desperate hope the person they're addressed to might find and understand them.

As Akane says, Ai is torn between secrecy and a desire to have her true self exposed, so she attempts to craft scenarios in which this must happen, even if her avoidance can only allow her to do so with indirect methods. With the blog and moreso the DVDs & their method of delivery, Ai attempts to create situations where the initiation confrontation and disclosure is out of her hands and she has no choice but to tell the truth.

Ai's entire speech here is just heartbreaking. If the start of the chapter didn't make it explicit enough, we see her here put her good intentions into words to better understand how they were misinterpreted.

This adds SUCH a fascinating additional layer to her death that has me gnashing my fucking teeth. One of the things I've talked about a lot in my Ai meta is that Ryosuke is essentially an agent or even an embodiment of the entertainment industry and the way it has exploited her - the misogyny, entitlement, purity culture and abuse that ruled her life went on to end it. With this additional detail, though, Ryosuke becomes an agent not just of the things that plagued Ai of B-Komachi, but Ai as a human, too. All her life, Ai is willfully misunderstood and mischaracterized by the people around her, assigned narratives and roles without her consent and punished for both living up to and failing to live up to them. Ai's death is the end result of a lifelong cascade of failure on the part of every system and individual that has had the opportunity and responsibility to care for her - and, as Aqua throws in his father's face, that includes Hikaru.

Hikaru's supposed understanding of Ai is not one based in empathy or love but projection and possessiveness - understanding in this context is ownership, exclusivity and frankly, arrogance. A claim to a piece of Ai that no one else knows. But as Aqua forces him to realize… Hikaru never understood Ai, even as she did her best to make herself understood. For all his arrogance of understanding Ai and the nature of their relationship, Kamiki is ultimately just the same as every other person who idolized and objectified her then discarded her when the image they'd created in their mind didn't match reality. Ai wasn't his pure and perfect soulbonded saviour - she was a lonely, broken kid like him, still struggling to understand love after a lifetime spent starved of it.

Once, Kamiki begged Ai to save him. And here, the bitter truth is laid out for all of us: the salvation Kamiki had wished for was waiting for him, reaching out with open arms and he not only desecrated it but irrevocably destroyed any path back towards it. In killing Ai, Hikaru Kamiki killed himself.

The imagery of this moment is so fucking gorgeous. The visual of Kamiki and Ai reaching out to each other, in mutual understanding at last but separated by time and death… the "what if" happy Hoshino family… Ai's words being framed as a 'love letter' that transcended time to reach Kamiki and Aqua's eyes blazing with white as tears pour down his face… Jesus fucking Christ Mengo I'm already dead!!!!!

Like I said up top, I make zero secret of the fact that I am primarily invested in Ai above everything else in the manga and the way her importance has been seemingly downplayed since the late 130s mark chapter wise has really bugged me. As such, this chapter was INSANELY cathartic for me. Not only do we get a really beautiful cap to Ai's post death arc (hopefully finally killing those dumbfuck Secretly Evil Ai theories for good) but it's done in a way that once again recenters her love and her wishes as the heart of everything. Even Aqua's revenge play is completely redefined in this context - no longer the childish, selfish and self destructive lashing out we've seen before but as a quest to both honor Ai and to punish the person arrogantly assuming ownership of her heart even as he so catastrophically misunderstands her.

This is a really fantastic end to Aqua's arc too… on paper, that is. I know for a fact that a certain genre of OnK readers are going to bitch and moan that Aqua didn't run his dad over with a 2003 Honda Civic but I really can't imagine Aqua's revenge quest going any other way unless OnK was intended to be a pure tragedy. Over and over, we have seen that Aqua's revenge is at odds with not just his happiness but with Ai's wish for him to live a full life with a bright future. It is self destructive, hurtful to the people around him and antithetical to any of them moving on and reclaiming what their futures. With the emphasis the story places on moving towards a happy future, in selfishly reclaiming your happiness even in the face of systems that seek to crush you and on honouring Ai's wishes and legacy, it would be flatly thematically incoherent for Aqua to choose killing.

The issue is not with this as Aqua's end point but with the path we've taken to get here. As was the issue with Ruby during the Movie Arc, we don't actually see any of the internal work that happened in service of this arc, just the big emotional end points of offscreen development. But it stings especially bad with Aqua when such a huge chunk of the last few arcs locked us out of his head, sharply contrasting the start of the story that lived and breathed his interiority - AND when this is more or less the capstone to his series long struggle to choose love or revenge. It's not that I dislike this as an emotional payoff for Aqua's revenge - this is more or less beat for beat what I'd expected - but that it lacks proper support from the rest of the story. In general, this chapter falls flatter than it should because all this heightened, dramatic emotion rests on arcs and setup that simply have not been shown to the reader, save for Ai.

Speaking of Ai, the info in the DVD here potentially represents a pretty major break in the continuity of Aqua's behaviour based on when we're told he had access to it but I'm willing to bite my tongue and see if that gets filled in, if only because this chapter review is already so fucking long. Let's just say that I Noticed and I sure hope Aka or his editors did too.

And finally… Oh, hey there, Ruby! Aren't you an interesting little snarl to this chapter. Or maybe "snarl" isn't quite right, but her presence here is potentially interesting either way. I'm not quite sure how to read both her expression and her presence - the expression on her face looks VERY displeased and it looks to me like she's outside the room, so is she maybe eavesdropping and not happy with what she hears? Or is she in on Aqua's talk with Kamiki here and just struggling with her emotions with regards to it all? I'm quiety hoping it's the latter, because it would confirm that Ruby DID recognize her dad in 147 and Akasaka wasn't expecting me to believe he was hitting her with the stupid stick quite that hard lol.

In either case, I'm actually excited to see what Ruby takes away from this. In the ways that AQRB has echoed the HKAI dynamic, Ruby has always been in Kamiki's shoes - the one desperate to be saved, clinging to her oshi and relying on him as her sole bastion of light in the world. So what will she think now after being faced with the logical endpoint of this wished-for codependence? When she sees how destructive and self destructive it can potentially be? Just as she saw Ai reflected in herself, will Ruby see her father in her own reflection - and if so, what will she do about it?

Break next week! So we'll be sitting pretty for two weeks to find out. Not that I actually mind this time because with a chapter like this on top of season 2 of the anime coming back today, a week without a break might have actually killed me… please, akamengo, i'm just a little guy!!!!

[reallyromealone]

Hello again I'm sorry if I'm bothering I just wanted to ask if I could have Bonten's reaction to falling in love with the nanny (Reader) of (Child Name) to see being so kind and careful with (Child Name) different from the other nannies who become arrogant or negligent, the (Reader) is like a mother to (Child Name) of them

(I hope not to bother you or anything like that if you do not want to do no problem I understand and thank you very much for posting a kiss 😘 )

You're not bothering dw

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Bonten had nanny trauma.

Every nanny they had either was one of these categories:

Arrogant about their position

Neglectful to (sons name)

And finally, tried to sleep with one of them.

They have all been...uh dismissed one could say.

Then came (name), a former preschool teacher and daycare attendant who wasn't even meant to be their nanny, (sons name) having somehow gotten separated and ended up being found by (name) and by time they found Bonten, little (sons name) was absolutely obsessed with the man.

Bonten did an aggressively thorough background check on (name), the man was honestly a total saint compared to them.

(Name) wandered the penthouse with little (sons name) in his arms, the two year old tuckered out from playtime and a snack and was dozing off on (name)s shoulder as the man gently rubbed his back as he sung a lullaby to him.

"He's so good with him" Ran commented as they ate their food, (sons name) enjoying his food unaware of the conversation as he had his favorites before him.

Well sort of.

"Excuse me, Mr. Sanzu?" (Name) asked the pink haired man softly, the men having returned from work and (name) having just put (sons name) for a nap "what?" Sanzu said bluntly to the new nanny, still rather hesitant and not trusting of him "I noticed (sons name), struggles with eating veggies and I know of a lot of alternatives to help him get the intake he needs" (name) said pulling out a paper "these are vegetable based foods, like these are fries but they are loaded with vegetables, we used them at the daycare I worked at and kids don't even notice they aren't normal fries"

(Name) showed Sanzu all the alternatives and explaining the health benefits "also I think it would benefit if we didn't prioritize some foods as better foods compared to others, it could help significantly"

This conversation alone was what earned Sanzus trust with the man, (name) genuinely wanting to help and support (sons name) and make sure he had the best and Sanzu could see just how much he cared.

"He sure has a way with children" Mochi said as (sons name) offered him some of his food "you like (name)?" He asked his kid who immediately began bouncing in his high chair "(name)!(name)!" The boy chanted excitedly "we bake cookie tomorrow!"

"Make sure to save us some"

"Ok papa!"

Bonten watched from the cameras how gentle and kind (name) was with their son, having successfully potty trained him and everything.

He was just so wonderful and sweet.

They don't know when they started falling for the nanny or even how but they collectively found themselves not upset with it.

Maybe it was the fact that he cared more about their son then them, showing how caring he is.

Maybe it was the attractive looks and nice voice?

Whatever it was it was working.

Really fucking well.

When they came home, food was prepared for them "sorry for not telling you, (sons name) really wanted to make dinner for you all"

They knew, cameras being all around the house to notify the if anything happened.

It was honestly precious seeing their two year old help cool, (name) letting him do the easy and safe things and Bonten decided that they wanted this every day.

"We brought you a dessert from the bakery" Rans voice was smooth like honey as he handed (name) an incredibly expensive bag of treats, the nanny looking at it almost shocked "oh, you guys didn't have too!" (Name) fretted only to be silenced by Rindō "you take care of our kid and you do it well, just take it"

(Name) nodded softly "is he sleeping?" Koko asked softly and (name) nodded softly "he wanted to be awake to see you guys but was tuckered out from wanting to try yoga, a character in his show did it and he tried but fell asleep like two minutes in"

"Yeah that sounds like him"

"Are you doing anything after this?" Kakucho asked and (name) shook his head "you wanna eat with us?"

"I wouldn't want to intrude"

"You're not" Mikey said bluntly, startling (name) and the nanny realized this might have been the first time he heard Mikey speak, usually be has the others relay things to (name).

"Why not" (name) said with a soft smile, letting himself get led to the dining area as the men tried to learn anything about (name), the poor nanny not even realizing that he's gonna be (sons name)s new step dad in one years time.

[mikhailwrites]

Soaring Ever Higher 2 - Ghoap/Ace Combat 7 crossover

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Ghost met John "Trigger" MacTavish and after the pilot saved his life - at cost of disobeying a direct order - asked him out for a drink. However, Trigger stood him up...

John is on his way to change from his flight suit to something considerably nicer. Well, maybe not all that much nicer since he wasn’t exactly planning on going out during this deployment, let alone going out with someone. Still, a tan tee and black cargo trousers could be considered an improvement.

Just as he’s nearing the door to his room, someone is standing in front of them, hand raised to knock. Trigger makes another two steps before he pauses. He’d recognise the unruly mop of dirty-blonde hair anywhere. “Count?” he calls out his wingman, who turns around quickly.

“Ah, there you are! Come on, the boss needs you,” Count gestures. Trigger stops. No way. Do they really have to do this right now?

“Can’t he wait at least till tomorrow? He can chew me out then,” John shrugs, resuming his walk towards his room.

However, Count shakes his head. “It’s not about your stunt today, I think. There’s another mission, an urgent one,” he explains. “So, come on. It’s not like you have somewhere better to be.”

He does, actually, but doesn’t say it out loud. If Count knew about his plans, Trigger wouldn’t hear the end of it. “Aye, okay, lead the way.”

True to Count’s words, Long Caster is already in the briefing room, going over maps and documents. The moment Trigger and his wingman come through the door, their commanding officer looks up, eyes locking on John.

“Good thing you haven’t changed yet. You’re about to go out again. The station personnel is refuelling your aircraft as we speak.”

“What’s so damn urgent then?” Trigger barely hides his displeasure as he walks around to the table and looks at the mission intel.

Long Caster also turns to the table and pulls out a topographic map of the nearby mountain range. “We need you to do a recon sweep.”

John gives him a long, hard look as if to ascertain if he’s serious or not. “Excuse me? A recon sweep? Don’t we have drones for that?”

“We do. That, and insubordinate, obstinate SoBs that treat commands as if they were mere suggestions. Get ready. You leave in ten,” Long Caster nods at the fellow pilot. When Trigger doesn’t move an inch, he adds: “Dismissed, Lieutenant.”

“Yes, sir,” Trigger grunts and leaves.

Count looks at the back of his friend and wingman before he turns to Long Caster. “With all due respect, sir, was that really necessary?”

“I don’t need you questioning my orders, Count. However, if you insist, I’m sure we can arrange some rewarding mission for you as well,” his superior cocks an eyebrow in obvious challenge.

“I think I’ll pass. Permission to leave?”

“As far as I’m concerned, you were never here,” Long Caster nods to the still-open door and Count excuses himself.

The flight path is long and utterly boring. Trigger has to fly low and slow for the radar and lidar to catch everything he needs. He’s bored. His jet is bored, too. It’s just a sea of green, stretching in all directions, and, even worse, the sky is still overcast, so it’s just the green below and dull grey above.

He returns after the nightfall. Taking off the helmet, the sweat-drenched mohawk sticks to his head. Trigger only exchanges a few pleasantries with the staff and engineers before retreating to his quarters to shower.

Only then, under the spray of lukewarm water to cool himself down, does he remember he was supposed to meet with Ghost and practically stood the man up. Great way to fuck up a promising start they had. John shortly debates if he should go to Ghost’s quarters and explain to him what happened.

No. It sounds like bullshit, and he’s way too beat to go anywhere, anyway. Even more so since the Strider squadron’s mission has been completed, and they will be returning to their home base tomorrow. Another long, boring flight. At least he will have his mates to chat with.

#

Ghost finds Laswell first thing in the morning. He’s not angry, and he’s willing to give Trigger the benefit of the doubt. Ghost knows better than most how quickly downtime can turn into active duty, especially for top operatives such as himself or Trigger.

Laswell is fully immersed in the display of her laptop. Ghost knocks on the open door and is given a lifted index finger – a universal symbol to wait, and that’s what he does. Full five minutes, actually. Only then does Laswell click a few times and finally nods at Ghost to come in. “What can I do for you, Lieutenant?”

“Do you know where Trigger is?” Ghost’s voice is steady, as is the rest of him. To anyone else, it wouldn’t sound any different than asking what’s for lunch, but not to Laswell since it’s her job to notice even the most subtle changes and details. She’s also damn good at her job.

“Yesterday, Flight Lieutenant was needed elsewhere, in a rather urgent manner, I’m afraid,” she confirms Ghost’s unvoiced theory, “as of this morning, Strider squadron’s mission has concluded, and they returned to their home base”. By mentioning Trigger’s rank, she also lets Ghost know that MacTavish actually outranks him. Interesting, if not exactly surprising. It’s good that John didn’t intend to leave him hanging. However, Trigger is now, quite literally, in the wind. Who knows how long before they run into each other again? Ghost tries to convince himself that he mostly minds the debt; he’s promised John a drink. “I could get you his phone number if you want.”

“No need,” Ghost declines her offer and pointedly ignores the knowing look on her face. Laswell doesn’t need to know everything, let alone the degree of interest Ghost has in MacTavish.

Ghost walks out, stopping on the tarmac and looking up. There’s the vast expanse of clear blue sky. If he’s honest, he never paid too much attention to it. His fight is and has always been on the ground. Now, he can’t help but wonder: how does being up there feel? There is no ground to support you, no cover to help you, no nothing, just you, the mission, and almost endless space. There’s something freeing in the thought but, at the same time, anxiety-inducing. No, Ghost is very much ground-animal, thank you very much.

If he gets to talk to MacTavish again, he will ask him what he sees in the blue. What does he feel when the jet leaves the ground? What is he thinking about, up there, among birds and clouds? And what’s with those three strikes on the tail? With a newfound resolve, he changes the initial if to when. When he gets to talk to MacTavish again.

[catsandgoodbooks]

No. 17: “You’re the lump in my throat and the knot in my chest.”

Collar | Touch Aversion | “Leave me alone.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bad stepped into the hallway where he heard the footsteps, turning the corner to see a figure clad in a green cloak at the end of the hallway, turned away from Bad. Dream. But what was he doing here…?

Bad stepped forward and kept his eyes on Dream. He hadn’t moved, even though Bad thought the sound of footsteps would startle him. Bad didn’t know what was going on there.

Bad didn’t even know how or why Dream was there either. These were part of the Eggpire’s old base, part of the Egg’s domain before it had been destroyed. (Bad knew it wasn’t actually gone, just trapped within obsidian walls and unable to hurt anyone else or twist anyone’s minds. Bad felt his stomach flip suddenly, deja vu running through him. He knew where he had heard that before)

“Dream?” Bad reached forward to try to place a hand on the boy’s (his son’s) shoulder, ignoring the shock running through his veins because why is Dream here–

An axe materialized in Dream’s hand and swung at Bad’s arm. He pulled back immediately to try to not get hit, and, for the first time, he got a good look at Dream. He wasn’t wearing his mask, surprisingly, his exposed face covered in scars, and his eyes were wide and panicked, open but unseeing. Bad suddenly realized that Dream didn’t recogonize him. (He ignored how his heart ached)

“Dream?” Bad asked again, quieter, cautious. “I didn’t mean to startle you, sorry, I was just being a muffinhead–”

“Bad?” The demon saw those bright green eyes beginning to focus, to see. Bad smiled.

“Yep, that’s me! I was just wondering what you were doing around here,” Bad explained. He had been, after all. (He was worried about Dream, about whatever Bad had excused away in that stupid prison, what he was too scared to ever bring up or even consider but knew was happening and this was just more proof of that)

“I…I just needed to think, Bad,” Dream answered, looking away and lowering his axe. It was still there, though. He raised one hand to run through his hair. “I’m didn’t need to disturb you, but I just needed to think.” Bad knew Dream well enough to know that that was a dismissal, but Bad wasn’t going to leave just yet.

“I wouldn’t recommend that you do that here,” Bad volunteered. “This place’s still…weird. I’m not sure the Egg’s completely gone, and, even if I knew that it was, this still isn’t a place I’d want to be.”

“That’s the point,” Dream told him, looking back up at Bad. “No one’s going to come looking for me in here. No one’s here. It’s safe.”

“Sometimes people avoiding places mean they’re dangerous, Dream,” Bad protested. “Just because–people aren’t there doesn’t mean that it’s safe.”

Dream scoffed. “It does when people are out after your head, Bad. Not that you would know.” He squared his shoulders. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to leave and look for somewhere else. I’ll be out of your hair. Just don’t tell people about this and everything will go great.”

That sounded like… “Is that a threat?” Bad sputtered.

“Yes,” Dream hissed. “That’s the thing you never understood, Bad. You have to threaten people to get what you want and keep yourself safe while you’re at it. You can’t just go around being nice to people and pretend they’ll never turn on you. You can’t be soft. We all know how that turns out.” Dream’s scowl deepened.

“I think it can be helpful. There’s other ways to get things done, Dream. I raised you to be better than believing that’s the only way,” Bad told him. The demon knew better than to say it wasn’t a way. He lived too long to honestly believe that. He’d done some things he wasn’t proud of, but he moved on, and so did everyone else. It was all fine in the end.

“I tried all the other ways!” Dream practically shouted. “I tried all the other ways, and this is the only one that’s ever worked. The only one to get me heard. Maybe that wasn’t the case for you, but it is for me,” he hissed.

Bad reached out towards Dream. Dream flinched away. “I’m sorry, but please just let me help you. It doesn’t have to be this way.”

“I don’t need help. Just let me go and leave me alone, Bad.” Dream pushed past Bad roughly and ducked out of the hallway.

Bad sighed, rubbing his forehead. That didn’t go well, but he hadn’t expected it to. But now he knew more. And, if he knew more, he could do more. He still had access to some of those old visitor documents. He could start from there. He could figure this out. He could make everything better, even if it required a couple of shadows on the wall and a few judgments, a few appraisals, a little bit of work put into the execution. 

Bad could do it. He wasn’t going to let Dream spiral even deeper with this. He owed it to the child he raised (the one he raised to not be like him and, by a twist of fate and a couple of grasping hands, ended up worse).

[curious-gnostic]

i spent like half of last night thinking about the liam plotline in The Andreadis Gene and i have way too many ideas. IF i reintroduce tobias at his death scene that offers me an opportunity to make jesse so pissed that he punches his best friend in the face.

which like. i love that because it’s jesse. the only “violence” he’s cool with is fencing. it would really fuck everything up. and THEN, with the timeskip, that leaves jesse almost completely alone (still debating if i should keep jesse and liam’s friends from the academy? i think i probably should, but i thought previously how liam’s death would screw up their relationship, especially since they werent there, they dont know the truth, and jesse is so guilty for drawing liam into rhys’s shit that he couldnt possibly risk getting his girls involved, so clearly he needs to go back to being casual and dismissive towards them like he is the rest of the academy.)

however. i don’t know how i could have liam’s death be explainable. maybe they say he was mauled by wolves (true enough. haha werewolf murder moment) but how is he found? how do they explain his presence on the evans estate, and right by the old groundskeeper cabin, no less? AND it feels kind of cheap to add a new character immediately after killing the last off.

BUT it also offers me an opportunity to use liam’s siren song. i was vividly imagining jesse trying to go after him after he tells them to cover their ears and rhys having to grab jesse and cover his for him (this offers “rhys is unaware that he’s a supernatural being” foreshadowing, when he isnt affected by the song. ofc if anyone asks he’d just say “its because i barely even tolerated liam. obviously his stupid little song can’t seduce me”) AND supplies further reasoning for tobias to show up (he heard the howling first, and would probably think “eh, theyre just doing normal wolf stuff” however if he heard the sirensong in addition to that, it gives him an opportunity to go “oh fuck, thats jesse and rhys’s friend”)

the thing i cant decide on is how affected the wolves are by the song. if rhys isn’t affected due to being supernatural… well, i could excuse that as his soul being one that has a soulmate mechanic, which also means birch would be unaffected by sirens (not that there’s going to be a chance to test that) i think maybe some of the wolves are affected, and others aren’t. this would be based upon omegaverse bullshit, like idk, maybe the alpha is immune.

so, the alpha kills liam, and tobias kills the alpha, and, as if we dont have enough shit going on, rhys starts getting his visions and passes out? actually, idk if i kept that part of the story in the second draft plotline. will have to check: it is important to a lot of later plot points that rhys starts getting the memories of the people who’ve shared his soul.

i was ALSO thinking about the final showdown between birch and the gang. it seriously did not make sense in the first draft that he changed his mind about killing rhys solely because he professed his love to jesse.

and i had the brilliant idea of the return of rhys’s mind setting. tobias, using his illegal mind manipulation, in a last-ditch effort to save them all, draws birch into rhys’s mind. there he sees his soulmate oak and oak talks them out of killing rhys. this would have the emotional payoff of one thousand love confessions. but also while we’re there mind-rhys needs to act like its completely obvious that he’s been in love with jesse this entire time.

on another note, i was thinking about arthur’s religious background and instinctual homophobia, and how rhys and jesse would react to arthur going “wait… are you guys *queers*???” (jesse goes “NO ABSOLUTELY NOT” and rhys is like (to jesse) “coward,” (then to arthur,) “yeah, i am. what about it?”) but i was also thinking of it in the context of rhys and arthur having a private conversation about liam and jesse’s relationship, and rhys ensuring that arthur keeps his mouth shut regardless of “what God thinks”.

its interesting to think of the differences between the boys and their queerness. like, liam is the most out-and-proud about it, which is important to jesse learning to accept himself. jesse is aware of who he is, but unable and afraid to show it due to what happened when his dad found out. rhys is completely okay with being gay, but he doesn’t see any reason to talk about it. berry casual. arthur is, obviously, very repressed. tobias offers the perspective that things like that are *normal*—he’s seen it in nature, hes been among the other fae and seen their indifference to gender.

[mysticalrambling]

Hey there😄😄I hope you're doing fine....I love your fanfictionss just too much and *adorable addition* is just my top favorite atory of yours😍😍😍. Yesterday you said i could make a request too so i was wondering if you can take in a request??😅😅 which is a Steve Rogers x reader request, which I had in mind for a long long time...I have made this request to some authors before but some of them never responded or just weren't interested in writing it so you can too decline but hear me out please😅😅... Ok so here goes nothing....

**Steve and reader being in an arranged marriage and steve is very rude towards the reader and would blame her, that due to their marriage he is not with peggy and how she irritates him, but still the reader did sweet things for him, made him food, tried to make him happy and tried to make their marriage work...but one day when she has enough of all the hurt, she stop doing stuff for steve and starts ignoring him..and also steve sees that peggy didn't love him but only his status as Captain America and was happy with someone else..then he realises his mistake and felt bad for treating his wife poorly...he tries to make up things with her but she now ignores him...His team members berate him for ignoring his wife and he gets jealous seeing someone else making a move on her.....and now he has to work his ass off to win back his wife...And can you end it with a happy ending and can it be long also? please🥺🥺

Arrange Marriage (S.R)

A/N: Thank you so much lovely and I loved the plot line. I loved writing about it and I made a few additions to the story. Hope you like it and I am open to more requests.

Steve Rogers Fanfiction (Fanfiction Master List)

Summary: Steve and you are married because the government wants Captain America to be a family ma. Steve is not happy with the arrangement and thinks he is in love with Peggy. You try to make your marriage work but he insults you every chance he gets. However, everything works out eventually.

Warnings: Angst but eventual fluff.

._._._._.

"I prepared some dinner for you," You spoke out when you saw your husband rushing towards his room. That's right, his room. Even though you were married for about a month now, you have never been in the same room for more than ten minutes.

"I am not hungry." He was quick to dismiss you and went straight to his room. You just looked at the muddy footsteps that were the only evidence that Steve was here. He was on one of his missions with your dad, Nick Fury. Your step dad, actually, because he rescued you from one of hydra base camps when you were eight years old. Those times were something that you have repressed in your mind and you would never think about them.

A few tears escaped your eyes when you kept all of the untouched food in the fridge which you spent hours preparing. You understood that you were not your husband's first choice but you both had an obligation to try to make it work. But lately, it was like you were all alone in this relationship and you felt so worthless.

Wiping the tears away, you made your way to the master bedroom because you had enough. If years of therapy have taught you anything, it is that no one had the right to make you feel that way. "Come in!" His pissed off voice filtered through the door and you took a shaky breath before entering.

"Hi. I just wanted to say that I prepared all of your favorite food and you didn't even look at it." You spoke timidly.

"I told you I was not hungry." He said from the changing closet and came out in his sweats. Looking tired was something not new for Captain America now a days and everyone at work was also starting to notice the change. "Why are we pretending to be like a normal, married couple?"

"Why can't we be one? I am trying here." He looked anywhere but at you because he knew that he would see those damp eyes. That was enough to make him feel guilty and he wanted to prevent that.

"You know why. I am in love with Peggy." The most hurtful thing that your life partner can say to you and Steve just did without taking your feelings into account.

"Then you could have said something before we got married." Panic was slowly setting in because you realised that you were stuck in a marriage that is never going to work out.

"The whole government was pushing me towards this marriage and Peggy was still not ready for that kind of commitment. I was stuck with you." Steve knew that the statement hurt you the moment the words escaped his lips. This was a revelation that rocked your world. And not in a great way, might you add. "You could have rejected the proposal."

"Do you think it was that simple for me? Dad has done so much for me and this was the one thing that he asked off me so I did not refuse. I thought that you agreed to this marriage and we could work it out in the future." Those dreams were being crushed right now and you knew that this marriage was doomed. It was like a hit to your gut and you felt caged in this room with your husband.

"Well, we can not." Leaving the room, you went straight to bed and cried yourself to sleep because there was nothing else you could add to that conversation.

After sometime, Steve came out of his room and made his way towards the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he took out the food to heat it up and realised that you made all of his favorite food. He was never going to admit it but he loved your cooking. Every night he comes in to the kitchen to eat all the food that you prepared for him. However, he realised that you didn't eat any of the food so you probably went to bed hungry. The guilt was eating him up and he felt helpless because he wanted to think that he didn't care about you. But sometimes, you don't even realise when a person is warming their way into your heart.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Steve was home today and you were going out of your mind with boredom so you thought of asking him for some company.

"I am not in the mood." He was quick to dismiss the idea and turned around in the hallway while still scrolling through his phone.

"I just thought-"

"You thought nothing. Why are you so clingy? I told you I do not want to work on this relationship. You are the reason that I can not be with the love of my life. Please just leave me alone.” He rudely interrupted you because he was not in the mood to interact with anyone. Seeing a picture of Peggy on instagram, he became aware of the fact that he could not be with her because he is a married man now.

Peggy Carter had been the first person that he saw when he woke up from the ice after 40 years. She helped him to become Captain America and she was the most important person in his eyes. Those few months were really difficult for Steve but she helped him get through them. Peggy quickly became his girlfriend and when the councilmen wanted him to get married, he was quick to propose. But she told him that she was not ready to take that step and she backed off. He was still pining over her and it was not fair to blame you for everything but he needed to do that to make himself feel better.

“I am sorry.”

“(Y/N)-” You left before he could say anything else. There is only so much a person can tolerate.

Over the course of a few days, Steve noticed that you were indeed leaving him alone. You were not there to welcome him home when he got back from his missions and give him a massage even after he told you not to. You did not cook from him anymore and he really missed it. He loved the fact that you always made his favorites and you never even had to ask him. You haven’t talked to him since the night he yelled at you. Guilt was an emotion that he often felt whenever he saw you.

“So there is a charity event that we both are invited too. It’s black tie optional.” He leaned against the door as he watched you doing laundry.

“Okay, I will be ready.” These were the only five words that you have said to him in the past two weeks and they were not enough. He has missed you and your conversations. The house was too quiet now a days and he didn’t like it one bit. But he was too stubborn to be the one to break the wall.

“You have to wear a dress. Many people will be watching you because you are Captain America’s wife so please do not go with your sense of style.” He wanted to slap himself in the face when he saw you freeze. Why couldn’t he just have said something nice to her? Steve didn’t know how to talk to you without messing it up.

“Okay.” Sighing, he left the room and sulked in his bedroom for the remaining day.

You were never going to say it out loud, but you were really hurt by what he said today and that day. None of it was your fault and you have been thinking about ending this marriage. However, the thing was that you made a commitment and you were never the one to back out from things. You quickly finished doing the laundry and went to take a shower.

“Are you ready?” Steve fixed his bow tie before you opened the room and he was left speechless. You in a red dress with a slit running through the side was a side of you that he had never seen. So bold and outgoing.

“Yes. Just let me quickly apply my lipstick.” Watching you apply a red lipstick left him in a trance. His wife was truly something unique but he just ignored it. Shaking himself out of it, he thought about Peggy and how he loves her. You both left afterwards and the car ride was quiet with the exception of a few stolen glances.

‘We have to go hand in hand and smile for the red carpet.”

“Okay.”

You were always a little scared to walk in to these kinds of events and so you tightly clutched on to your husband’s arm. Steve knew that you were a little bit of an introvert so he squeezed your hand in response.

“I am going to go meet some councilmen.”

“I’ll be by the bar.” Making your way towards the makeshift bar, you ordered a martini and just sat there mixing your drink. On the other hand, Steve made polite talk with the councilmen and then excused himself to the washroom. He heard someone mention his name on his way to the washroom and that piqued his interest.

“Come on, I was never in love with Steve. He was my assignment from the S.H.I.E.L.D and that was it. I had to help Captain America adjust to this life.  I love you, Oliver and that is a fact.” Steve quickly left before he could hear anything else.

Honestly, he couldn’t believe that all those months spent with Peggy were just a lie and he was ruining his marriage because of her. He thought that it would hurt a lot but it was kind of a relief. He was now realising that he was never in love with her. It was kind of an obligation for him because he thought that he somehow owed it to Penny. But he didn’t and now he can finally give his marriage a fair try and not feel guilty about it.

“So what is a beautiful girl like you doing at a bar all alone?” Turning around, you saw Bucky with a smile adorning his face.

“Hi. It’s been such a long time since I last saw you.” You hugged your friend because he was one of the people that you were close to. You actually missed him in these past few months and were glad to see him right now. Getting in to a conversation was way easier than you thought.

“Hey Buck. What are you doing?” Your husband was quick to place his hands on the small of your back and you silently choked on his intimate gesture.

“I am fine, Stevie. Just catching up with (Y/N).”

“Oh okay. Would you mind if I take my wife to the dance floor?”

“No worries.” Silently taking you to the middle of the room, you both got to dancing and your breath hitched when he was so close to you right now. His cologne had taken over all your senses and you were drunk on him. God, it was pathetic but you could not help yourself.

“I want to try to work on our marriage.” You didn’t know if you were hearing things right now so you muttered a silent, “Come again.” He silently chuckled and repeated the sentence again. Looking at him, you stopped dancing and left the room.

“Why did you leave?” He found you at the balcony just staring at the stars with your hands wrapped around yourself. “It’s freezing.”

“Why? Why would you say something like that?” You whispered silently.

“I mean it. I want to try.”

“Don’t you love Peggy?”

“I have realised that I didn’t love her. It was like an obligation to me and I like you.”

“I can’t do this. You insulted me every chance you got and you made me think so low of myself.”

“I know and I am so sorry for that. I will spend my life apologising to you for it. Please, give me a chance.” There were some tears in your eyes and everything was becoming blurry.

“I can’t do that. I will always be your second choice.”

“No, you are not. Trust me, I have had feelings for you but I have been trying to repress them from the very start.” He tried to touch you but you took a step back.

“If we try this relationship thing out, will you promise me that you will tell me when you want to get out. We can get divorced right then and there.”

“I don’t want to be divorced and I will spend my life making it up to you.” He was quick to kiss you and it was way better than your wedding ceremony kiss. “I like you, (Y/N).”

“I like you too, Steve.” You went in to kiss him again and were glad that this marriage was going to work.

Hope you guys enjoyed it!!

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A/N: I love Captain America and I was happy to write a fanfiction about him. If you guys have any more request, I will be happy to write about them and message me if you want to be added to the tag list.

Tag list: @kalopsia-flaneur, @justile 

Like, comment and reblog.

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[thefanbasewhore]

“Mine.”

Summary: Din says goodbye to reader and Grogu but once they are reunited Din has mixed feels about the situation, jealous of Luke.

Warning/content: Angst, Jealous!Din, fighting between Din and Luke and reader and Din, Jedi!Reader. Din accuses reader of cheating. Nothing too spicey unless you guys would like a second part ? But would recommend 18+, Season 2 spoilers 

Paring: Din Djarin/Female Reader

Master list. || Part 2. 

There's a shift on tension in the room, it didn't go unnoticed much like the feeling of your own heart breaking. It's breaking for Grogu, for Din, your Mandolorian, who stands tall, strong despite the crushing feeling inside his chest. He's helmetless in a room full of people for the first time ever willingly, he does it for the boy, the child he loves.

It's the first time you see his face, his hair is messy but it's cute, brown in color with small ringlets that curl against the base of his neck, his eyes are expresso brown, smooth curve of his nose is small but prominent, lips pink and form the perfect pout, small hairs from his mustache curling across his top lip. He is so incredibly handsome, but your sorrow won't let you see that, there is no time to think about. The child presses a soft touch against his square jaw, in his own way of saying, "I see you."

This makes tears even well up in your own eyes as he looks over Din's shoulder, reaching out for you. The last thing you expect when Din head turns over his shoulder to look at you are the matching tears. It's hard to stop, squeezing his eyes shut as he bites his bottom lip, chewing at it nervously. 

The two strides it takes to finally reach them is like the longest walk of your life, your head rests against the Mandalorian's chest piece as you take the small guy into your arms, squeezing him close. The sob that falls from your lips doesn't go unnoticed as Din presses his large, gloved hand to your back, rubbing it in comfort. "Be good, little one." It's whispered as you hold him cheek to cheek. "You're going to do so well."

"Don't be afraid." Din's fingers find the child, placing him on the ground, knowing well you wouldn't be able to.

Grogu's eyes met yours with confusion as the Jedi picks him up. There's an unknown feeling within you, almost like you can feel his sadness but also excitement of learning once again. It makes you worried as his eyes peer at you, head tilting to the side. He's trying to tell you something, but you just can't hear it.

It isn't strong, actually you like to think your connection to the force as a small, annoying dangling thread stuck to the bottom of someone's boot that is always there, no matter how much they pull or prod it just falls through fingers but then again you never had a chance to learn from anyone.

All eyes are on you, breaking from your trance like thought as to look up to meet Din's eyes then Luke's, realizing they were directed towards you. "Did you say something?"

"Are you coming too?" Luke's words make you confused, eyebrows narrowing with a frown. The thought alone is enough to feel a ball in your throat, despite the words you’ve spoken, his intensions were clear from the start. 

 “You need training too." Din's hand stiffens against your lower back, chest momentarily at a pause as he realizes what is happening. He knew about this, even though you were clueless of what the force is, you knew it was in you, had told him and Ashoka questioned it about it only days ago. Never had he thought he'd loose both of the people that mean the most to him on the same day, it was almost..unbearable. A pregnant silence falling between everyone, Din can’t speak, he pauses, words trembling in his throat as he looks to you with pouty eyes.

Eyes meet Din's, shaking your head pressing yourself deeper into his chest. A familiar place that was warm, safe, How could you ever leave him? "No, I'm staying here."

"Go." Din urges, the hand applying just enough pressure toward the Jedi, trying to explain his words, it was okay. His flushes his own forehead against yours as he tilts your face towards his own, kissing the hair line softly. "Don't let me stop you, you need training."

"But --."

"I'll see you again, I swear by it." He promises, hands cup your cheeks, bringing your lips to his own. Fresh, new tears slip past both of sets of eyes. Goodbyes were never easy but necessary, destiny has written it long ago and Din Djarin of all people knows that. The kiss is soft, but you can't seem to pull yourself away pressing a few more in their wake. The movement of his arms wrapping around your waist lifts your feet from the ground as he hugs you close. Lips tickle your ear as he whispers, "I'll see you soon sweet girl, don't forget how strong you are."

"I love you." It's the first time the words are said, while his heart squeezes in joy, but mouth dries at the words he's always wanted to hear, he wishes you never said them, it makes good bye so much harder.

"I love you." He answers back truthfully, using the back of his hand to wipe the sizzling trail of tears from his cheek as you step away. Grogu reaches out almost instantly for his mother, the familiarity is more comforting then the stranger’s arms. You follow the Jedi when reaching the loft and turn around waving at your Mandalorian one more time. Din can't find himself to return it, shoulders leaning forward compensating for the pain he feels in his heart. It's heavy, putting all of his trust into one man but at least you and Grogu had each other.

-

You are barely able to suppress the shriek that is mumbles against your lips as the base of Luke's foot comes in contact with your chest, pushing you from the advantage you finally gained. While you try to reach for him he’s too fast, too skilled as he swiftly moves from the counter attack.

"Ugh!" The sound ripples from your raw throat as the pair circle each other, waiting for the next move, lightsabers in the air, it's a waiting game. "Stop doing that it's not fair!"

"Why isn't it fair? You left it open. Do better."

You huff, "I have boobs! Well who knows anymore? After that."

The last few months have not only been the most terrifying of your life but also the most exciting, borderline exhilarating. At first it wasn’t noticeable, arms would ache for holding the saber in the air for a few minutes but with every passing day it became lighter and lighter until you moved with uttermost swiftness, the saber a feather in your hands. Never had you thought you would love to fight, being able to finally control the owner within. Luke had become family, taking you in and helping you. It has been quite difficult, Luke was a perfectionist at best, he was not happy unless everything was done right, which once made you sore and cry, but looking back at it now, you have mastered so much. The amount of long hours of sitting at the table trying to pass a stupid apple back and forth, learning to be silent, trying to sneak up on an opponent but now it’s easy, all thanks to Luke but still to this day you can't even look at an apple, let alone eat it.

Even though he is picky, you understand. He has made you strong, happy to learn about the very thing you understand nothing about. It’s safe to say you were ignorant, taking advantage of the gift given to you.  

Luke rolls his eyes, the green saber retreating back into the canister as he tucks it back into his belt. "Training is done for now."

Your head tilts in understanding, tucking away the bright light until is clicks into the holder attached to your belt. There's a lingering silence, figuring it’s a  silent dismissal turning to return home but Luke's voice stops you. "Padawan?"

"Yes Master?"

"I sent out word to your Mandolorian." The smile drops from your face almost instantly, serious eyes look over his own for the lie, for the joke as if he would break into laughter but he didn't. He's still as he gives a shy smile, you tense instantly, heart stuttering inside your chest, it must be a joke. Your about to curse, tell him it's not funny but he beats you to it. "I sent out days ago, he is due any day now."

"You're serious? It's not funny --."

"You have done well, you exceeded my expectations. You deserve to have some time off. You and Grogu, it's been months." You squeal excitedly, the smile crinkles eyes, almost hurts because it's been so long since you felt genuine happiness.

"Now come, the little one is waiting."

-

Dinner has to be your favorite time of the day, only because after the relief your aching body gets, sore, black and blue but strong, you’re capable of more than you’ve ever known to be. Luke always reminds you, never lets you falter, never lets you have the chance to doubt yourself, he’s always there to remind you much you’ve accomplished but there is always more to learn. He's a good master, fair but authoritative when need be, he's shown you so much but had given you so much more: a purpose, a friend.

With dinner came relief but also meant you could see Grogu, he hasn't grown much physically but the force has made him powerful, such a small creature to have so much but it is so different with him. While the force only touched you, it seems to run through Grogu's veins, it's so natural to him. 

Luke is right next to you, sitting in the uncomfortable excuse of a chair but happy none the less as Grogu sits in the middle of the table in front of his plate with a coo, large black eyes peering up at his master, head tilting. "What's wrong little one?"

You don't need the force to feel what he's thinking, you communicated with this little guy way before all of this feeling though the force mumbo jumbo. The force was  never needed to feel him, understand the boy.  Reaching over to Luke's plate with a cheeky smile using your own fork to poke the potato. "He likes the hash."

Both of you are so occupied the hole of silence the hall falls into is unoticed, the heavy steps of boots that haunt your dreams. The Mandalorian seems so big in the hall, all the basker gives off the illusion of large broad shoulders, a thick trunk that matches the man underneath, he’s intimidating as eyes shift off him quickly to return back to their meal, no one would dare try a Mandalorian, even trained Jedi. Din eyes meet the back of your head, heart thumping in anticipation of seeing his love again. It's been seven months, seven agonizing, brutal months without his family. Any other man would go insane but this very moment is the reason he continued to fight, when he received the message from Luke he couldn’t believe it. Seven months with no communication, your voice haunted his dreams just wanting to hear it one more time.

But now, he feels his heart drop, his own body filling with dread, anxiety at the close proximity of you and the Jedi, faces inches away in conversation. The way small dimples pop through as you smile shyly at him, Luke's own laugh as he leans closer to Grogu.

The sight of him alone is enough to have Din choked up if it wasn't for the way Luke reached for your fork, feeding Grogu a few bites, whatever he didn't eat was taken into his own mouth. When his lips close around the fork Din's fist bunch at his sides, it was too intimate for teacher and student. That's his girl, his son he is feeding.

You do however notice how Luke's head turns in the direction behind you, but continue talking eyes narrowing to question why. He's not paying attention to your words only smiling, like he knows something you don’t. When there's no answer you decide to look yourself, at first you don't register that Din is only feet away, dead center of the hall. Head snaps back in a double take as anticipation makes your heart flutter, emotion fills your throat making it hard to speak, even move.

Feet register before your brain has the opportunity to, running towards him with a loud laugh of joy. He has to brace himself for the impact when you jump on him, a small 'ooof' leaving his lips as he catches the weight. Arms support you from under thighs, holding close as your legs tighten around his waist.

Your smile is wide, never ending the most as he holds the blushing skin of your cheek, the other hand on the underneath skin of your thighs holding you to the basker clad chest. Beautiful, absolutely breath taking. He's seen this in his dreams, reuniting with you but this is too real, the soft flesh expanding on his palm is too soft. The sight of you after so long is euphoric, its hard to breath with you so close, to concentrate on anything but the way your lips curl into a smile, eyes so lovingly with unshed tears. It's a relief to see you so alive and well, stronger under his own strength but as soft he remembers.

"I missed you Cyar'ika." It's breathlessly whispered into the vocoder, static chokes his words but it may be the tremble in his throat as a hand knots into hair to pull you closer.

"Oh." You mumble under your breath with as realize the stares that follow you, quickly you lower your feet to the ground but your hand never leaves his forearm, clenching the underneath, tunic crumpling in your hands. Now that he's here you never want to let go. "Come see Grogu."

Din can't even get a word out as he's pulled towards the table, he nods, acknowledging Luke despite the tension he manifests. The reunion warms your heart, it makes it harder not to crying as you feel Grogu's emotions run through you. He feels love.. he's excited extending his arms with grapy hands.

With no hesitation the child is once again reunited with the basker clad man.. his truthful father. It's a sigh of relief that falls from Din that makes you smile up at him. Din reaches over with his free hand, cupping your cheek. No words were said, not in the presence of a stranger but it's shown in the way his thumb moves across the smooth skin of your cheek.

-

The moment he entered the room darkness cascades over them, small, familiar hands press against the the basker that covers his head, a silent ask for permission. "Cyar'ika, it's --."

"I can't believe you're here, I missed you so much love." Din's eyes close so tightly at the words, he doesn't want to stop you. He wants to feel your skin pressed against his, he swears he's almost knocked off his feet when the helmet falls to the ground with a loud thump lips brusingly hard against his own.

"Sweet -." He tries to speak against but is met with the softness again, tongue seeking permission against his bottom lip.

"Missed you." Lips press against his jaw, following to his neck sucking softly on the smooth skin. A small, choked moan falls from his lips as you nip at the junction between his clavicle and throat.

The feeling of welted skin has you raising your head up in confusion, fingers taking place of your lips to feel the healing skin. It's not a scar or a wound but purposely put there, as you trace it with your fingers you begin to paint a small picture with the raised lines.

"It's a symbol of leadership along my people." He answers, hands reaching up to gently wrap around your wrist, bringing it to press against his cheek. His next words almost as unexpected as learning he has a new tattoo on his neck. "Would you like to see it?"

"But the creed.." you mumble, eyes roaming over the slightest curve of his face the darkness of allows as he pushes you to straddle his lap, his other hand running over the expanding skin of your thigh.

"It's nothing you haven't seen before my love." He's referring to the moment before you and the child left him, kissing him goodbye. "The creed is broken but I am a Mandalorian, nothing will change that."

"But, I ugh." The words are not of the man you knew almost a year ago, but show maturity, experience has formed him into a new person but nonetheless he still is yours.

It's just dawned on you now, while you were growing with power was so was Din. The lightsaber pressing against your outer thigh reminded you of it, while you have gained one, Din had ruled with one. Every new experience, lesson, moments spent crying Din has had similar, except his people depend on him for survival.

"Oh my God." You mumble under your breath, eyes widening in shock. His words, the tattoo meaning, the new signet pressed into his chest, the thicker tunic decorated with a gold pattern, you were so busy just concentrating the fact he was here, you never bothered to look at the changes, the clues. Two large horns soldered into his helmet you never noticed until now poke against your ankle. "You actually did it? I though you didn't want it."

"It's my responsibility to my people to get our home back. Once you left I had nothing but them, Bo-Katan has been helping me. We are so close Cyar'ika." Din presses his forehead against the skin of your shoulder, breathing deeply. "I can't wait to show you."

"So close to what?"

"Not hiding anymore, to regaining Mandalore." The words make your skin warm, a soft smile filled with admiration, proudness. "I'm building a home for us."

"You have changed Din."

"So have you Cyare. You look so well, feel so strong. You are where you’ve always belonged." He is right, there's something that changes in the air when you are nearby now; a power that follows you, makes everyone fear the presence but he loves it. "I wish I could have been here to see it. I dream of when we will be together again."

"Can I see?" The words are unsure, despite his earlier words old habits die hard, promising never to look unless he wants it, it was his choice, never yours.

"Please." It's soft, tender as you shakily wobble on legs to walk across the room, fingers ghost over the switch before a loud knock against the door makes even Din's stomach drop.

"Padawan?" Luke's voice makes Din scowl, what is it with this guy?

"Yes Master?" The way you answer so quickly with little regard towards Din has him swollowing loudly, jealousy searing his veins, it makes his forehead hot.

"While I have promised you a break the day is still not over, training will continue."

"Be right out." It's quick, the kiss pressed against his lips, it has him reaching out to hold you again but you already out the door leaving him gritting his teeth.

-

When he finds you again it almost an hour of looking for you. He's irritated, it shows in the way he walks, tall and intimidating with every crunch of sand under his boots.

Despite it being evening the sun is still blaring, it's too hot for anything but he manages to power through, though taking off the helmet is an option if is his only line of defense when it comes to be surrounded by Jedis.

It's an odd sight, you're legs are crossed as Grogu sits feet in front of you. Eyelashes fluttering in concentration, frustration clear in the way the junction between your eye brow wrinkles. It's magical, the way the large rock moves across the length of the pair. It's amazing truly, he's watched the kid do it many times but with you, it's different, seven months ago you could barely hold a blaster let alone do this.

He was in complete awe, watching as Grogu takes the rock himself but to him it's effortless. He doesn't even bat an eye as the rock moves higher and higher until it's explodes. The small pieces shoot towards him, the rocks dink against his helmet knocking him forward that he doesn't give you enough time to warn you that there's someone behind you, he feels himself jump forward to protect  but natural reflexes already have you up, your own blue saber flashes with Luke's green one.

It's a relief it's only him but also makes him want to longue and wrap his hands around his throat for even trying to attack you, it's instincts, his own will to protect his family. He was so caught up with his own anger, he didn't notice the small hands tugging at his pant leg.

"Hey buddy." It's the soft coo that warms his heart, the sound he missed so late at night, all by himself. It feels so right to have him in his arms again, it's a distraction for a moment, but the loud shriek that mumbles against your lips as the saber slices your arm breaks the moment.

Din stalks toward without hesitation, hands reaching out to pull Luke by his collar but hand stops half way there; a choking sound falling from his lips as he feels his throat start to close.

"Luke!" You exclaim, hands pulling on his shoulder. "Stop!"

Luke doesn't listen, tilts his head as the Mandalorian's other hand reaches for his own neck, the child falls from his arms but Luke reaches for Grogu as he floats towards him and that is when he decides to let go of his hold on Din.

"She is fine." Luke's tone is accusing, eyes lit up in anger. He knew the reasoning behind the Mandalorian's attack but it irritates him. Din falls to the ground into his knees as he coughs, lung begging for air. "She will heal, it's no wonder she was afraid of the force. You made her feel as if she was weak. Couldn't protect herself. Can't you see she is strong?"

The words sting a bit, you never felt like that with Din but the words of your master, where they true? Had he been the reason you never felt the force like this before? It’s not his fault, he’s always been a protector.

"Yes." Din chokes on the words, it's surprises Luke how quickly he recovers, leaning on knees, visor tilting up to meet his gaze. "I do, I don't need you telling me either Jedi."

The last word is spoken with gritted teeth, disgust as he stands, squaring up the man in front of him, pressing the top of his basker against Luke’s face. 

"Then do her a favor and never, ever underestimate her again." Din doesn't like what the Jedi is insinuating, hands balling in fist, finger coming to poke the Jedi's chest as he speaks. "Respect her Mandalorian."

"I do." You're about to squeeze between the two men but Din speaks too fast. "I don't need any magic tricks to beat your ass either."

"Din!" You hiss, the helmet pointing in your direction as a growl admits his chest.

"You're sticking up for him?!" Then once again you're minded how immature Din Djarin can really be. He's protective, overbearing but you expect more from Luke as he speaks. "You're just taking out the fact that Grogu and the girl are in my care, they are with me."

"My son, my girl." Then it hit you, all so sudden he wasn't an asshole, maybe a little immature, but he was jealous. The growl that rumbled his chest made even you shake. You couldn't find yourself to blame him either, both of the people he's ever cared for pulled from his arms, seven months spent with Luke. It made him insecure, dear the worst.

"Enough!" A hand presses against each other their chests, meeting Luke's first. Eyes warn him, "I expect more from you."

Then they move to Din with a scowl, "And you have no reason to be like this, Luke is my friend. He is helping me! I am strong now because of him."

"You have always been strong." The words make you pause, heart dropping. Guilt dropping your shoulders instantly. "You never needed to hold a lightsaber for me to see that."

A strong, confident finger lifts lifts towards Luke's direction, it looks like he's going to say something else judging by his stance, looks over you one more time then Grogu before stalking away towards the direction of the hall.

-

It's only an hour later, and Din is no where to be found. Luke has told you he's taken the child for a little bit, you can only imagine how that exchange went but respectfully allow him to have time with him, besides you doubt he wants to see you right now.

He was right, it was a force of habit trying to protect you but he has never doubted or hesitated for one second when it came to you. There has only been one person who has ever believed that anything was possible for you and it's the one you managed to chase away.

The room is dark, the only light comes from the gasps of the curtains the moon allows in. You have given up on waiting on the bed, instead curl up on the large longue chair in the corner, book open but you wouldn't even notice if there weren't any words. Too deep in thought over your Mandalorian.

What If he leaves without seeing you? Surely, he wouldn't, it was stupid fight, it shouldn't have happened but you shouldn't have accused him either. The rattling of the door knob makes you pause, daring not to breath that it might scare him away. He's quiet as the silhouette of armour makes it through the doorway, shiny, the darkness of his visor camouflaging him throughout the door.

The light flickers on, you want to squeeze your eyes shut, away from his gaze out of fear he might leave again seeing that you aren’t sleeping, waiting for him.

He doesn't speak, only stiffens his stance, arms crossing his chest as the helmet tilts down in your direction. "What are you doing?"

"Reading."

"In the dark?" You have been caught there's no reason to argue with him just turn a dark shade of pink as the book is closed with a loud echo. Tension fills the air, you're torn between apologizing and expect one first, his behavior was inappropriate.

"Are you happy here?" It's surprising watching the Mandalorian walk close until he's between the V of your legs, a soft breath caught through the static as he uses your thighs as an anchor for his hands as he slowly lowers to the floor in front of you. His force his horse as leans over, pressure pressed against your chin, it's not enough to hurt but enough to show he is angry. "Is there someone here making you happy? That isn't me?"

You don't like what he's insinuating, brow furrow with a deep frown and a scoff, "If you have something to ask I suggest you come out with it Din."

"Are you fucking him?" The words make you huff, pushing the warmth of his skin away but he reaches out to touch you again. He wants you to look at him, he wants to see the truth your eyes will tell.

The fucking nerve he has to knot his fingers into your hair, keep your head still as the visor moves up and down the soft features of your face, it's soft but shows meaning. At this very moment you here the way your body reacts to him, wanting to move closer, wrap the other hand around your neck at his tone, the authority in his voice. "I asked you a question."

"Really?" The way he stares just irritates you. Spending all your nights longing for him, all the tears wasted on missing him just for him to believe you were unfaithful. "I can't believe you just asked me that."

"Don't act like it's all me! I can see it, you sit so close that you're practically on his lap. He ate from your fork. He comes to your aid like I don't know you can take care of yourself, tells me of all people to respect you, never undermine you. When have I ever? He seems to forget that I was the person who first trained you. So, I'm going to ask you one more time. Are you fucking the Jedi? Do you like him?"

"Get out of my face Din!" The heat of his visor, the blackness hides any kind of emotion, all you see is the anger that comes from his throat, words stinging cheeks. It's impossible to concentrate with him so close, pressing his entire weight against your thighs.

"Tell me now." The words harsh, he needs to know, hear the words from your lips to know they are true.

"No! How dare you even accuse me of that? I have been waiting for months to see you again and you accuse me of being unfaithful?" The tears sting, almost hurt as much as knowing Din has little trust in you. His chest is raising fast, deep, quick breaths against your knee, showing just how worked up he is, he's frustrated, the throbbing in his pants gives that away and makes you think if there’s a different reason. He's insecure, jealous, absolutely pissed.

The harsh fingers leave your hair only to meet the edge of his helmet, you don't even get time to register before it falls to the floor next to you. Seeing is face is.. different this time.

It's clear, the first time was rushed, tear filled but now he look so.. good.

His brows furrowed in anger, nostrils flaring, hair thrown messily across his forehead, you don't even get time to look at his lips before his hands touch your cheeks pulling you into a bruising kiss, fingers nails forming small crescents on hips as the words are moaned against your lips, rushed with how desperate the Mandalorian is.

"You are mine." It's not the words that make you gasp but the hand that tugs the tips of your hair, pulling your head down more to accept his crushing lips. "Mine."

tags: @remmyswritings​, @b0nnyzz​, @heavenlymistake​, @mcueveryday​, @phantomofthewapera, @dindjarinswhore​, @hellothereobi​, @mudhornchronicles​, @alwaysreading1019, @stepintothelightz, @pepmintmocha​, @charlottemcgrace​, @the-last-twin-of-krypton​, @disgvst-d​, @atrxdixs​, @cal-ifornication​, @acourtofsnakes​, @waiting-for-motivation​, @that-sarcastic-pieces, @writings-of-a-fool​, @theocatkov​, @itsfangirlmendes​, @maileecabudol​, @ghost-lantern​, @mandoandyodito​, @sleep-deprived-things​,  @maddie0w0​, @bluegalaxyprime​, @stilledimperfections​, @altarsw​

[ptergwen]

Hey! I was wondering if you could do a fluffy type thing based on the gif of ur navigation page. Ya know the scene in the movie where he can see whos doing what on their phones? and maybe the reader is like talking about their crush on him? i think tht woukd be a rly cool concept. but you dont have to do it if you dont want to :)

this is really cute omg i never would’ve thought of it either :,)

i couldn’t find the gif in question but close enough

“i have access to the entire stark global security network, including multiple defense satellites,” edith tells peter as he looks around the bus through his glasses. “as well as back doors to all major telecommunication networks,” she adds on. peter’s eyes go wider, images of his classmates’ and teachers’ phones popping up.

“woah,” he mumbles to himself. he can see people’s texts, google searches, everything. peter can’t help but be curious about what you’re up to. you’re sitting alone and kind of hunched over in your seat, so he assumes your phone is out. that gives him an idea.

“um, edith?” peter asks for his new... friend. she responds almost immediately. “yes, peter?” “what’s y/n doing?” your picture, name, and a view of your screen show up in his glasses. “i can’t believe that worked” he mutters and glances over at you again in person. you sit a few rows ahead of him.

he’d wanted to sit with you for the ride, but dimitri wouldn’t let him. something about blowing his cover.

peter focuses in on your screen again. you’re texting mj, in long paragraphs, and her messages back are just as lengthy. it seems like it’s a pretty personal conversation. maybe he shouldn’t be snooping on you. “edith, could you-“ his heart beats a little faster when he sees his name come up. he’s technically not snooping if it’s about him.

“yes, peter?” edith prompts him. “never mind,” he dismisses her, wanting to find out why he was mentioned. he sneaks a quick peek at mj to make sure she hasn’t caught on. she has a habit of always being in his business. she’s across the bus with brad next to her, so she hasn’t picked up on the fact that peter is watching you two.

chewing on your bottom lip, you type out your next message. peter jumps in his seat as it flashes across the screen.

you

i really like him and i thought he liked me too but he’s been kind of like... idk avoiding me the whole trip?

“i’m not avoiding her!” peter whisper yells, biting the inside of his cheek while he waits for mj to reply. it then hits him what you said in the first part. you like him. not just like him, really like him. he could pass out right now and call this a dream. he’s been crushing on you for a while, but he was too scared to say something. this is definitely a confidence booster.

mj

wdym avoiding you? he’s been ditching the whole class y/n/n. kinda sus if u ask me

you

stopppp 😭 maybe he has something going on bc he’s been weird since before we left

mj

uh he’s been weird his whole life

peter purses his lips at that, eyebrows furrowed in offense. he can’t believe nick fury is ruining his love life. or, the potential of him having a love life. you could’ve been cuddled up next to him and listening to music together right now. he’d made a playlist for the trip of both your favorite songs, that specific reason being why.

but, no. nothing that isn’t superhero related can ever go peter’s way. he’s had enough of fury and his team controlling him.

you

i don’t wanna get dramatic or whatever but should i just give up? if peter is busy i don’t wanna overwhelm him

“thanks, edith. you can stop showing me now,” peter decides, getting up from his seat before he loses his nerve to. he makes his way through the aisle and over to you. “i said all kids stay seated!” dimitri scolds him with a stern look through the front mirror. he doesn’t actually care if people get up, he just wants to keep peter away from everyone else. good thing he’s the one driving so he can’t do anything about it.

“sorry!” peter calls back, making you look up from your phone. giving him a lopsided smile, you quickly shut it off. you didn’t expect him to be the rule breaker getting yelled at. “hey,” you greet him. “hey. can i sit with you?” peter smiles back, without the nervousness. he already knows your feelings are mutual.

you scoot closer to the window so there’s more room. “yeah, always.” “thanks,” he breathes out a laugh and takes his seat. “i like your glasses. when did you get those?” you compliment, loving the way the blue frames sit on his face. peter squints at you. “glasses? what glasses- oh.” he’d forgotten to take them off before coming over. great, now he needs an excuse.

“they... they, um, at this store in venice...” that’s all he can come up with. you’re guessing the glasses have something to do with his stress lately, and you’re not far off. you let him leave it at that. “well, they look really good on you. really really good,” you laugh and get a laugh of relief out of peter as well. “thank you, y/n/n.” “you’re welcome.” you’re grinning for real now, and being the cause of it makes peter so happy.

he’s ready to shoot his shot.

“do you wanna, um, listen to music with me?” peter asks softly over the loud rumbling of the bus. “i made a playlist... for us.” for us. him coming over here, thinking of you like that, the doubts you were having earlier are starting to fade away. you nod, a giggle slipping out of you. “yeah, we can share my earbuds. thanks, peter.”

you unzip your backpack and grab them, peter biting back another grin. this is working out exactly how he wanted it to. you hold out an earbud to him and put yours in. peter does the same, adjusting his while both of you move in so the wire doesn’t stretch. yup, that’s why. definitely not so you two can be closer.

“can i plug these in?” peter asks, taking the connecting end of the wire. “mhm,” you hum and watch him put it into his phone. he opens up spotify and goes to his playlist, titled with a smiley face and every pink heart emoji. that brings yet another smile to your face. “aw, that’s cute,” you comment, taking a leap of faith and resting your head on peter’s shoulder.

peter hits shuffle and makes a move of his own by resting his head on yours. he lowers the music a bit so he can say something to you, confess to you what he finally has the courage to you. “hey, y/n?” he mumbles, waiting for you to look at him. you already were. “i like you.” you settle into peter even more and let out a content sigh. “i like you, too.”

[the-pjo-analyst]

Chapter 6 - I Become Supreme Lord of the Bathroom

Theme of the day: Expectation

I know that this has been said a lot in the fandom over the years, but I really do love how the foundations of the pjo universe is based in inclusivity and representation. I can excuse the lack of racial and lgbtqia+ representation in the first series because it’s all about giving neurodivergent kids and those with learning disabilities a platform. Like how often do you come across media that explicitly gives that kind of representation? And because it has that foundation, it’s so easy to include other types of representation in later books. Riordan isn’t like certain narrow minded authors that lash out at fans for asking for inclusivity, because he actually listens! and puts his money where his mouth is! He’s not perfect by all needs, but at least he tries and uses his platform to let minorities have their own voice.

Anyway, time to get to the chapter at hand lol.

Y’know with how many campers come and go CHB, you’d think they’d explain to newcomers that they’re demigods like as soon as they get there lmao. Chiron even said there’s a whole orientation video but didn’t have Percy watch it because it would’ve been insufficient with how little he knew, but like..... he never got a proper explanation of everything sjkdfdfj. Everyone kept dancing around the particular piece of information, but no one has flat out said, hey Percy you’re a demigod and here’s what that means and this is what the camp is for. It honestly kinda irks me how dismissive Chiron and Annabeth are? In that why don’t you already know our customs and how things work here already kind of way? Really just Chiron tbh, I can understand Annabeth since she’s so young yet has been at the camp for longer than most, so she’s probably just Tired and Annoyed lol, and it’s also not her job to explain all this stuff to Percy ahem CHIRON.

There’s a lot of expectation that comes up in this chapter! I think the biggest ones are the campers’ expectations of Percy as the New Kid who also defeated the Big Bad Minotaur, and also vice versa with Percy’s expectations of the campers. Obviously in the two days that Percy was unconscious, rumors were going wild about him. Clarisse also alluded to how the campers were talking about Percy maybe being a child of the Big Three. They probably expected someone a little grander than this scrawny twelve year old kid lol. And then there’s also Annabeth’s own expectations of Percy thinking that he’s the guy who’ll finally take her on a quest. But whereas the other campers likely lower their expectations significantly after meeting/seeing Percy, I don’t think Annabeth ever truly does. As soon as they have a moment alone, she says you have to do better than that. Sure, she might look down on him at first but I think that’s just how Annabeth is as a child of Athena lol. Like Chiron, she will always expect more from Percy.

I want to take a moment to talk about Grover, because like Percy, most people don’t expect much from him. He is a scrawny kid also, a late bloomer for satyr standards, and has Big Dreams for that Tiny Body but not showing much potential for it. But! he has a few people that will still believe in him, like with Percy. It’s always important to have those handful of people around you who believe in you when the world tries to tell you that you’re not enough <3

Now onto Percy’s expectations of the campers and this new world he’s found himself in. I’m not sure if he actually has expectations since he’s being bombarded with so much information, but he frequently compares CHB with what he’d expect regular camps to be, which is to say he finds everything to be strange lol. He’s like uh sword fights?? what is the forest stocked with?? doesn’t it rain?? why are perfectly good cabins empty?? He’s still just a mass of confusion lmao. But it’s interesting how as soon as he finds out who the campers are children of, he immediately makes assumptions about them: Hermes is the god of thieves, so maybe shouldn’t leave personal belongings just lying around in the cabin; children of Ares are Brutes and Ugly. The former is completely valid lol, but as the series progresses, we’ll find that first impressions and who someone has as a godly parent isn’t everything, like with Luke and Clarisse.

An interesting thing that came up relating to expectation is Chiron’s wish. I don’t think he expected basically becoming immortal for thousands of years when he asked to be a teacher for “as long as humanity needed him.” These things always come with loop holes don’t they. I can only assume that as long as the gods are around having demigod children that humanity will need Chiron, which is basically like eternity, and that’s such a wild concept to wrap your head around as a mortal that I don’t think Chiron really knew what he was signing up for. Like here’s young Chiron thinking wow! I have the option to do the thing I love for a really long time! And then bam he has to watch the people he teaches die horrible deaths for millennia.

Small things:

Can I get an F in the chat for Grover having to be middle school aged for 6 years 😔

If there’s one small wish I had for the tv show casting, it’s for Annabeth to be taller than Percy, because I really love that dynamic between them in the first few books. But that’s such a low priority for casting LMAO

Percy really has that childlike lack of tact lol

I really feel for Percy when he met Cabin 11, like that would also be me, trying to make a good first impression but instead almost falling on my face sjdkfhsdjf

Percy also really has a tiny body just filled with pure Spite

Previous: Chapter 5 - I Play Pinochle with a Horse  

Next: Chapter 7 - My Dinner Goes Up in Smoke

[aminiatureworld]

A Sea of Fragment VI

Word Count: 3.964

Warnings: Slight violence

Author’s Note: I’m back! This chapter was so enjoyable to write, I missed this series so much! Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Also yes I did see the 2.1 trailer. Scaramouche’s JP laugh my evil beloved.

After your little interlude of conversation with Scaramouche you had succumbed once more to the blinding heat that was enveloping you. Having little sense of the world around you, waking up to bits and pieces of movement only to be stolen away by the darkness again, you found yourself completely disoriented by the sight that greeted you when you finally woke up.

You were in a tent, that much was sure, though beyond that you weren’t really aware of much else. The bed that you were lying on, though slightly damp, was clean, and the top cover, which remained underneath you, was folded over neatly. There was a large table next to you, filled with what could only be medical equipment, as well as a dresser, a chair, and a bench, presumably there for medical purposes. However the high quality material of everything, the tent, the sheets, the pillow, made the whole room seem much too fancy to be a simple hospital tent.

You weren’t sure how long you lay there, too afraid to move in case the world started swimming again, when what could only be a medic walked in. The Fatui emblem was embroidered neatly above his breast pocket, but otherwise he seemed completely, almost unnervingly, normal. The only other thing of note was the Anemo vision strapped to his arm.

“Ah I see you’re awake. Good, I didn’t want to have to call the head medic in again, since she made it perfectly clear already that your case didn’t need her specific supervision. Still, when my lord Scaramouche came in shouting, she couldn’t very well say that, ignoring how banged up you were at the time.”

“Scaramouche was here?” You asked, head still slightly fuzzy.

It probably shouldn’t have been a surprise to hear that, after all you weren’t the one walking to the medical tent by yourself considering the state you were in. Still the image felt like an odd one. You figured he would’ve found someone else to do it for him. Letting this information rattle around in your mind you mutely listened as the medic asked you to hold out your arm for pulse checking, barely listening to his halfhearted small talk.

“Your pulse seems to be evening out a bit,” he finally said. “Good, you were going berserk for a little bit there. We even had to call in a healer, didn’t want you to die. Thankfully the healing seemed to help, my lord was saying something about your state being magic induced, and we were worried that there would be no effect.”

“Thank you for your concern,” you replied, knowing full well that this level of treatment was likely the result of being dragged in by a Harbinger. Still, you couldn’t help but feel somewhat grateful.

“It’s nothing. Better have you alive then a dead body on our hands after all.”

“Fair enough.”

“Still, you’ll have to take care. Your iron levels were also somewhat wonky, so we’re going to give you a week’s worth of pills for that. Come back in a week and if everything seems alright you’ll be good to go. Okay?”

“Alright.”

The medic nodded before walking out. Feeling still exhausted you flopped down on the bed. A breeze seemed to be blowing outside and a part of it came in through the slits in the tent. Letting the wind fan over you, you closed your eyes. Soon enough your thoughts swam into incoherence and you were dragged down into the realm of sleep.

 “My lord.”

Scaramouche jerked his head up from the papers he’d been half heartedly studying. Seeing the medic in front of him he immediately stretched himself up a little taller. At least this wasn’t something completely worthless.

“I assume you’re here to tell me about the condition of the person I left with you.”

“Yes, they have just woken up. Their vitals are no longer in critical condition, and they appear to be alert.”

“Good. That will be all.”

“Yes my lord.”

Scaramouche waited until the medic had left before letting his thoughts roam. You were awake, you were finally awake. Though he wanted to deny it, the relief that flooded through him made it all too apparent how worried the Harbinger had been. When you’d first woken up in his tent he had felt worried, yes, perhaps even slightly frantic. Still, he had assumed that that would be the end of it. You collapsing again had made his blood run cold in a way that rarely, if ever happened. He was Scaramouche after all. The Balladeer, the Harbinger who had no room for mercy in his heart, no time to worry about the lives of other people. After all, does the winter blizzard care about whose house it destroys? Certainly not, it only has to fulfill its goal. Yet he had cared about what was happening with you, even more than that, he’d been worried, perhaps even terrified.

Acknowledging these things left a bitter taste in Scaramouche’s mouth, but he wasn’t idiotic enough to try and deny it. Somehow you had managed to become noteworthy to him, important enough to draw such a reaction out of him. Was this some despicable side effect of your ability? No, it was unlikely. There was no use in looking for excuses or denials. What the Harbinger had to do now was figure out what to do with his predicament. He ought to crush it, to treat you as he would any other low-level lackey, he ought not to have brought you over to his personal section of the medical tents, should have had someone else carry you to the general wing. Those sorts of regrets were too late now however. He had acted out of pure panic, hadn’t even thought of the strict hierarchy that ruled all the lives of those who lived under the Tsaritsa.

Not did your aberrant status help, you who weren’t from Snezhnaya, who had no sense of authority, who had no true place amidst the Harbingers. You were merely there, a shadow that Scaramouche had hoped to command who had instead appeared to have manipulated him in some way.

Yet he couldn’t get rid of you, not now. You were still needed in some capacity, needed to tell him of the layout of the village, the location of the artifact, you had said it was a mirror. Besides, Scaramouche still wasn’t entirely sure whether or not Signora would want to inspect you, having brought you to Scaramouche’s attention in the first place. It certainly wasn’t out of the realm of possibility; Signora had a habit of going where she pleased, deriving satisfaction from the ability to draw irritation out of her fellow Harbingers. The mere idea of her sauntering in to inspect you brought a sour sort of taste to Scaramouche’s mouth. Now more than ever he loathed his coworker’s antics.

Still something had to be done, though what was still up in the air. Pondering this Scaramouche stood up. At the very least he ought to look after you, though whether this was tied into the emotions that roiled in him or simple logic he wasn’t yet sure of. At the very least there would certainly be more talking if he didn’t look on you than if he did. If there was anything that the Fatui loved it was erratic behavior. After all those who could be swayed into doing illogical things were certainly much easier to manipulate. No, better for him to make an appearance, to say that he was concerned you were on the verge of death which would have ruined his plans. This excuse in mind he stood up, urging his inner thoughts to silence as he walked out of the tent and into the afternoon sun.

The image he was greeted with upon entering your, or rather his, tent was all too reminiscent of how you had first looked in that forest where he had first met you. Face pale, a slight sheen of sweat visible on your brow, slicking your hair against your neck. Though your eyes had almost immediately snapped open upon hearing the voice of the medic they were unfocused, and for a moment it seemed as if you were squinting to make the Harbinger out.

It was a pathetic image of a person, and a mix of disgust, pity, and worry swept over Scaramouche. Silently hoping that he himself would never look so weak he sat on the only chair in the room, dismissing the medic with a wave of his hand, keeping his focus on you the whole time.

“So,” he began when you two were finally alone, “you have been saved from the teeth of death. If I had known the spectacle you were going to cause I would have never asked you to do such a thing.”

“Most visions don’t go that way,” you replied, voice husky and cracked from lack of use. “It was, it was because of the mirror.”

“You mentioned that before. This mirror, I presume it’s what we’re looking for.”

“I won’t look for it anymore,” your voice seemed to tremble slightly. “Even if my vision it was terrible. It warped the space around it, even from the future. If you were to get into the same room as it, were to try and touch it, I, I don’t know.”

“We must get a hold of it. If it is the Tsaritsa’s wish we would sacrifice a whole reserve for it.”

“How can you say such a thing?” you replied, voice quiet. The dispassionate tone sent a lance through Scaramouche, and for a moment he found himself unable to reply, knowing full well the answers he ought to be giving you, the total loyalty demanded by the archon he served.

“Still,” he finally continued, “you have showed me that you’re certainly not strong enough for this. From now on I will no longer provide you information about this mission, nor will I ask you to do anything to bring it about. All I need is a report about what you saw, if you wish you can write it yourself. There are other things that you would be better suited for.”

“What things? I don’t think you understand. I’m the only one who has seen what could happen, what seems very likely to happen based on the fragments that were lined up in front of me. The best outcome I saw was that you were unable to find it. The worst,” you took a deep breath in, “the worst outcome is that the village goes up in flames.”

“Ridiculous,” scoffed Scaramouche, feeling irritation rise up inside of him. “I thought you would be grateful to hear that you wouldn’t be required to look into the future again, instead you insult me, insult the Fatui.”

“I am glad that you aren’t going to try and force me into the future. I don’t think you could truly convince me to anyways, but I’d rather not fight about it. Still, I want to be there, to make sure that this doesn’t happen. I have to know what’s going on.”

“You don’t have to know anything. I don’t owe you information or position, you’re only here at my pleasure.”

“Yes! I am only here because you forced me to be here, only here because you asked me to do something I didn’t wish to do. And now you take the advice I give you and trample all over it! Why, why are you acting so irrational?”

“You’re the one acting irrational!” Scaramouche shot back, feeling a wave of panic shoot through him. The idea that you had managed to somehow divine the odd emotions that he was currently experiencing seemed unlikely, but that you could sense something was out of place was alarming. “I just need the report,” he pressed, feeling his voice raise in irritation, wanting this to be over.

As you stared at him, silence being your reply, the thoughts that whirled inside the Harbinger’s head seemed to get louder. Why was this suddenly so complicated? All Scaramouche’s career he had easily ordered his way around and over people. Deals were only made with other Harbingers, who quickly stepped aside to let the Balladeer do his duty. Never had someone simply refused his orders. The idea that you would do so, would turn down something so easy and to your benefit, was absolutely infuriating.

“I would like to rest a little more,” your voice finally broke through the thick silence. “I’m tired.”

“I would have gone a long time ago had you just listened to me,” Scaramouche pointed out.

“Please,” you shot him a look, “I’m not in the mood. I don’t want to fight either. I really don’t. It’s the last thing I want to do. I wanted to thank you in fact, for bringing me here rather than letting me lie on the ground or trying to slap me awake or something. But, but you just, you never listen. That’s what makes it so hard, what makes all of it so hard. You never listen so how, how are you ever supposed to hear me?”

The plaintive tone of your voice struck another blow, as Scaramouche found himself suddenly, suddenly what? He found himself leaning out of his chair, the urge to walk over to you so intense it seemed to steal the breath from his lungs. He wanted to do something, though what he wasn’t entirely sure of. To apologize? To demand? To scold? To, to console? What a stupid thing to do. Yet all these things he suddenly wanted to do. Of course he couldn’t do nay of these things, couldn’t push you any farther, couldn’t pull himself back. All he could do was lean forward, as if that might in some way convey what he was feeling.

“Is there something you want?” You asked.

“No,” Scaramouche stood up. “There is nothing more I wish to say to you.” What a lie that was.

Making his way over to the tent flap Scaramouche stopped. Quickly, almost in rebellion with his mind, he turned and walked over to you. Taking your wrist he pressed his fingers to it.

“Your pulse is still irregular,” he noted.

Spinning around and walking out of the tent the Harbinger fought the urge to scream at himself, scream for such an irrational act. Yet part of him wasn’t thinking about that at all, was instead marveling at how warm, how comfortable your hand had been in his own.

 It seemed like an hour had passed by the time your pulse managed to right itself, though surely only a few minutes must’ve passed. You held your wrist in your other hand, staring down at it, as if willing the scene that had just passed to reappear before you. What was that, what in Teyvat was that? You couldn’t make heads or tails of it, could barely acknowledge that it had indeed happened at all. Scaramouche, the Harbinger, the man who had only moments before been berating you, that Scaramouche had walked over to you and checked your pulse, held your hand in his, if only for a moment. It seemed laughable, seemed so surreal as to have been a dream, yet it had surely happened.

Of course maybe to him that had been a completely normal thing to do. After all, the medic had told you that your pulse had been irregular. Surely Scaramouche would have noticed that too. Perhaps his self-righteousness had caused him to want to make his own judgement on the state of your health. Still that didn’t stop your heart from leaping into your throat the moment it had happened, hadn’t stopped you from feeling like you were, for very different reasons than before.

You cradled your wrist, still able to feel the slight pressure his fingers had exerted on it, as if he had somehow branded you. His fingers had been surprisingly soft, not at all rough as you had expected it. Perhaps that was only natural, you knew that he sported no sword hilt, and there were no sharpening stones in his tent, meaning in all likelihood he was a catalyst user. Still, it was unexpected. His fingers had been surprisingly gentle, his palm with which he held your hand was soft and warm. You wondered for a moment what it would be like if he were to hold your hand properly. A small part of you wondered if you might yet do so in the future.

Almost immediately you shook yourself violently, willing those thoughts out of your head. Even now the idea of doing something so domestic, so intimate, with Scaramouche seemed odd, almost heretical. He was a Harbinger, a bloodthirsty man, one who evidently had no problem with a village going up in flames. And yet, and yet…

You sighed, lying back down on the bed. You should sleep, you were exhausted. Everything was going fast, oh so fast. You couldn’t keep up, couldn’t keep up with your feelings, with Scaramouche’s logic. All you wanted to do was block it out, to sleep. As you closed your eyes one final coherent thought floated through your head. He had, despite it all, not asked you to do it again.

 You never realized you were dreaming until about halfway through your dreams. Even then you had no power to stop them, they pulled you along, like a riptide, waiting to drag you down into their depths.

You weren’t exactly sure how you got into the village, the all too familiar landscape. It was hot, and your thoughts seemed to melting along with your legs, as you tried to run towards the now blazing rooftops, yet found yourself hardly moving. Yet you kept moving forward, intent on something, though on what you weren’t sure of. Something very important to be sure. If only you could reach it.

Reaching some sort of back you shinnied your way between the burning. The flames licked at your clothes and at you, but you couldn’t feel them, they certainly weren’t any hotter than the rest of you. In fact the only side effect that seemed to be happening was how close the walls were becoming, so much so that you were barely getting through. Still you kept going, and eventually you found yourself out of the seemingly endless tunnel.

There were a few men in the distance, men who seemed to be barreling towards. Unease spiked through you, somehow you knew that whatever happened they shouldn’t catch you. Yet another part of you dismissed them as no important enough. No, this wasn’t how you wanted it to go, there was something else. As you thought that they seemed to suddenly fade away, or perhaps it was that you had suddenly found yourself somewhere else.

Walking down this road that seemed so busy and so desolate you found yourself in field. Not questioning the black sky above you, the fact that there was a field in the middle of a tiny village, you approached a figure in the middle of the field. Somehow you already knew who it would be.

You had never really thought about the space that Scaramouche took up before. He was simply there, a man, a Harbinger, a person. Just there. Now however he seemed all too small, almost puny. His head was turned to the side, so much as to be unnatural. A slight dribble of blood pooled from his mouth, and his eyes stared with the glassy intensity of the dead, the kind of stare that would forever haunt. You seemed to float above him, high, high above. Yet you wanted to lower yourself, to shake him, to see if he was just pretending. Everything felt glassy and distant, like a play that you were part of but not actively participating in. Soon enough he’d pick himself off the ground and start yelling at you. Soon. Yet someone was wailing in the distance, and for once the voice seemed eerily familiar.

 You opened your eyes, at first seeing nothing before the cloth ceiling of the tent finally revealed itself to you. Lying there, not daring to sit up or roll over or do anything, you replayed your dream. Before it had seemed so distant, so disconnected from you. Now however it close, all too close. Your back was sticky with sweat, and the sudden heaving of your chest, cause panic to flood through your mind, revealed how truly shaken you were. You had seen Scaramouche dead before, had seen his fallen frame in your visions. It had been so different then however. Then he had just been a Harbinger, just been a demanding man. Now however he was, something. Something else.

All this time you had worried about your feelings for Scaramouche, worried that they were just some figment of imagination that stemmed from your visions of the future. Perhaps that was partly the truth, perhaps those visions had indeed provided the fuse for your emotions. Yet somehow you had lit them, or more aptly somehow Scaramouche had. The image of him lying there, dead on the ground, filled you with such distress that it seemed liable to drown you. Even if these feelings were somehow made up, the result of some imagined Scaramouche in the future, some need to line yourself up with some possible path, they were still real. Painfully so, if this was a sign of anything.

Finally sick of lying in one position you sat up. Though the tent was opaque enough you could see little bits of light through the slits of the tent, and the slightly warm air had the distinct feeling of it being at least midday. Standing up you made your way, somewhat hesitantly, over to the flap of the tent. You needed to see Scaramouche, if only to try and convince him again not to go through with such a ridiculous plan. You needed to make sure that your dream didn’t become a reality.

Walking through the tented hallway you quickly ran into the same medic as before, this time pushing a tray with food on it.

“Oh good you’re up,” he said, voice slightly bored. “Maybe you’ll be able to leave tomorrow then.”

“I need to talk to Scaramouche,” you said, words tumbling out and running into one another. “It’s something of the greatest urgency.”

“I’m sorry but my lord isn’t here.”

“Isn’t here? Then, he…”

“He went off on a mission, he said if you were ready to leave before he came back to move you back into your tent tomorrow and to wait until he returned for further instructions.”

“He’s gone?”

“Yes.” The medic replied, seemingly slightly impatient.

Turning around you fell right back onto the bed. Ruining the hospital corners you ripped the blanket over your head, willing it to block out all the light. You needed to get out, you needed to go find him. Somehow you knew it wouldn’t be that easy. Even if you wanted to you doubted the medics would cross Scaramouche’s orders to keep you here until tomorrow. Even more so you had no information on what exactly he had done, though you were almost positive that he had gone to the village. Even if he hadn’t though you had to go check, go make sure. What he was doing was madness, running into a situation without fully comprehending it, what in Teyvat was he thinking?

Anxiety welled up inside you, consuming any and all thoughts you might’ve had. In their place was fear, pure distilled fear. Fear for the Harbinger that you didn’t want to die, and fear for the future that might not come to pass after all.

[moonshineboyz]

Stupid Sorry || Kim Sunwoo

Pairing: Sunwoo x fem reader

Genre: angst, lovers to exes

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: cheating, Sunwoo is an asshole, tiny tiny bit mention of alcohol??

a/n: sunwoo baby i'm so sorry, ily okay? xjwodowndw i got a little too engaged in this one and it may or may not has been based on some personal experiences,,,

masterlist ♡

You should've listened when everyone told you that high school sweethearts not always are meant to last, or that you were too young and naïve to enter a relationship during that time. But you chose to ignore all of it, following what your heart wanted. You were too infatuated with Sunwoo to say 'no' when he asked you out for the first time, fidgeting with his own fingers and trying hard to maintain eye contact with you.

You were part of the same group of friends, even though you didn't talk much to each other back then. But you found yourself head over heels for him since day one. Sunwoo was absolutely handsome and a kind person, his sweet voice echoing in your ears every time he laughed. It was impossible not to fall for him.

And that's how you two ended up dating throughout the years of high school.

Everything was perfect in the beginning; you were always together in between classes and during breaks of his soccer training, sharing small displays of affection and little pecks on the lips. You had lovely dates at cafes, movie theaters and parks whenever it was possible. You felt so happy with him, and he seemed so happy with you too.

All your friends used to gush over how you and Sunwoo were such a cute couple, even daring to say you guys were relationship goals. Everything just felt so right with him, just a simple look into his eyes and it was enough for you to feel just as loved as he was by you.

One year into the relationship already and it was like you were living in a fairytale. But then it happened.

Sunwoo was napping in your bed while you finished a book you were reading; you had come home after your last exam for the semester and Sunwoo promised he'd treat you to some ice cream since you hadn't had much time for each other in the past two weeks. But he said he needed to rest just a little, due to the past late-night trainings with his team. You agreed and offered him your bed.

It wasn't long till his phone started vibrating on your desk, to which you brushed it off at first. But it didn't stop, and then you thought that maybe it could be something important. You grabbed his phone and a female name appeared in the notifications, there were several messages attached to it. Your heart sank. It was the same name as the girl he swore that wasn't his ex but only an old crush of his, and that they didn't even talk anymore.

"Did he lie?" Was all you could think. You couldn't seem to understand if nor even why he would lie about this, you were very open with each other and there wouldn't be a problem for him to tell you about his past lovers, or who they were.

With his phone still on your hand, you glanced at his sleeping figure and back to the screen, wondering if it was okay to take advantage of the fact that you knew each other's passwords. You didn't want to look through his stuff, it was his privacy, you felt bad in doing that but something inside you was screaming to do it. You could already feel the guilt creeping up. His phone vibrated again and it was the last straw for you.

You unlocked the screen and opened the texts, your eyes running through them. She was saying things like "I miss you"; "When are we going to see each other again?"; "It's been such a long time"; and even some suggestive pictures from her. The worst part was that your boyfriend was responding to the girl, flirting back, saying he missed her too.

You didn't even realize when you fell to the floor on your knees, hands shaking almost dropping the cellphone. Putting the item aside, the shock consuming your body, you sat there in the middle of your room, hugging your knees close to your chest while tears were starting to blur your vision, and you let them out. Crying so much but trying hard not to sob loudly so Sunwoo wouldn't wake up. Heart miles per hour and mind a total mess. For how long has this been happening?

It was hurting so bad, like a thousand knives cutting through your chest. You didn't know what to do. You didn't know what to think. Should you break up and end everything after confronting him? And how should you do it? What should you ask exactly? Even though it was painful, part of you didn't want to break up. You knew it was ridiculous to not want to do that, to not want to put yourself in the first place, but you didn't want to be alone. Sunwoo was the first guy who showed any interest in you and you felt like the only girl in the world. And not to mention, you didn't want to have to tell your parents and friends the reason why you two broke up. What would your parents say about it? And your friends? Your family liked Sunwoo so much, he was already part of it, and both you and Sunwoo had mutual friends. You didn't want to go through it.

The young boy eventually woke up to you pacing around with heavy steps, he looked at you confused and called out your name, making you jump startled. You rubbed your eyes wiping the remaining tears and faced him, waiting for him to say anything while you thought of what to say, heart beating fast again. He let out a "Baby, what's wrong?", and you felt sick at the nickname. Tossing the phone on his lap you asked who was that girl and "What the fuck does that mean?", chocked voice trying to sound firm.

Sunwoo immediately approached you dropping to his knees and holding your waist, his teary eyes looking up at you while he mumbled a lot of apologies, saying he didn't know why he was doing that and begging you not to leave him. You could only stare back at the wall in front of you, a blank and expressionless face. He hugged you even tighter burying his crying face in your belly. You wanted to scream, to yell at his face. You wanted to be swallowed by a hole in the ground and just disappear. But you couldn't even move, just listening to his lame excuses and stupid "I'm sorry"s, his voice sounding far away.

After demanding him to go and leave you alone, you let your body fall on the softness of your mattress, where he was just a few minutes earlier and his scent was still there on your pillow, which made your heart hurt even more. You hugged your pillow and cried your eyes out, until your head started to ache and you fell asleep.

On the next day you met Sunwoo and he swore he didn't do anything with the girl, it was just texts, and yes that was his ex. Didn't matter how you looked into it, it still counted as cheating for you. But you decided to give him another chance anyway, because as you stated to yourself, you didn't want to be alone. However, the time that followed wasn't easy, at least not for you. You still felt bittersweet towards all that situation and your stomach almost churned every time he touched you or looked into your eyes saying he loved you. But it was nothing like that to Sunwoo, he never mentioned the occurred and acted as if nothing had happened.

Everything was seemingly back to normal and you were living in your fairytale once again. You could ignore that fact easier now, even though there were still times where you'd catch yourself wondering if you lacked in anything for Sunwoo. He knew very well how insecure you were, how you were afraid of him finding someone better and prettier. You always thought he deserved better and questioned what had he seen in you, and he'd say he loved you to the moon and back, that you were oh so beautiful and you were his only one. You also knew some of his own insecurities, but you just couldn't care less about other guys when you had Sunwoo.

But even though he was aware of your fears, low self-esteem and lack of confidence, it happened again.

You thought of spending the soccer training's break with your boyfriend since your class got dismissed earlier. And there he was, sitting on the side bench with one of his teammates, their backs facing you as you approached them. It seemed like they were arguing and something the other guy said made you stop in your tracks.

"Okay, but if you tell my girlfriend about me, I'm telling Y/N you kissed my sister at my party last week. I don't think she'll like that."

Your world collapsed for the second time; you could almost hear the sound of your own barely mended heart shattering again. Not wanting to believe it. You already knew that feeling but it felt way more painful in the second time.

You were still frozen when Sunwoo looked back and saw you standing there, his eyes widening. You only scoffed at him and turned to get out of there before he could even move towards you. But he was faster and reached you, grabbing your wrist to make you face him.

Silence.

He stared into your eyes for what felt like a whole hour until you snapped and yelled at him to get away from you. You didn't notice the tears rolling down your cheeks as you angrily stared back at him. The boy started weeping trying to hold your hands as he kept on babbling about being drunk at the party and saying he was sorry. "Another stupid sorry", you thought. It was comic how he believed that shedding some tears and mumbling halfhearted apologies were enough to make everything alright.

That night you cried yourself to sleep once more, ignoring all his texts and calls from the moment you stepped into your house. The hurt was so much that even your body experienced physical pain.

You spent the entire following week pretending you were too sick to get out of bed, but the truth was that you didn't want to face Sunwoo and any of your friends. Every day felt like a torture, you woke up with swollen eyes and a massive headache due to crying so much, crying over someone who didn't deserve your tears, let alone any piece of your attention. And you knew that. But you still were too pathetic to let go.

If it was hurting that much, if you knew you should just walk away, then why were you still holding onto it? It wasn't even the first time. Why even bother to stay in an already broken relationship like that? Only because you didn't want to be alone? To feel lonely? To be ashamed by the other's reactions? Especially now that you'd given him another chance before and were planning on giving one more?

Unfortunately, you couldn't deny that you loved Sunwoo. But God was it painful to love him. You didn't know if you could blindly trust him like before, but you were too deep in love with him to care. Even if it hurt.

After a whole week avoiding any and every source of contact with him, you finally sat down to listen, although you shouldn't, already cursing yourself for being in this situation again.

Sunwoo told the same lame excuses, one more time saying he didn't know what he was doing, blaming the alcohol, and that the kiss meant nothing because he still loved you. To be honest you barely even listened, just wishing to go back and pretend you had a beautiful relationship where he was very loyal and honest to you.

And so you did.

You went back to your classes next morning swearing you had a really bad flu the past week and no one seemed to doubt it. Great. You and Sunwoo were acting like lovebirds again and everything looked fine.

This time you were feeling kind of numb and didn't cry every night, but obviously this didn't mean your heart wasn't broken. You wondered how he could be so insecure like you, saying he was also afraid of some more interesting guy getting your attention but still, he was the one who cheated. Twice. Or at least you thought it was twice.

Honestly the time that passed from the second heartbreak was quite okay, Sunwoo did everything you wanted to do, treating you well and telling you sweet things. But it didn't last long.  

It was scary the fact that he never felt distant for you to suspect anything, not even in the two other times and not even now. He could manage this character so well, acting all nice and sweet but doing you dirty behind your back. Apparently, he wasn't that transparent and easy to read as you were, you couldn't see through him. He was like a foggy mirror. Not even a glass window, but a mirror, only reflecting your own image because you just couldn't see his true self. And you realized it a bit too late.

This was what you were thinking right now, seeing Sunwoo seated on a bench in the park both of you used to go to have your favorite ice cream. Under the moonlight, ready to kiss this girl, face too close, hand on her chin just like the way he always did to you. You didn't know your heart could break even more.

This time you were even seeing him shamelessly cheating on you, and you wished you didn't because it hurt so damn much. But in a way you felt thankful you were aware of this trashy behavior of his, or else you wouldn't give much credit when a random guy you've never seen messaged you in your social media saying he believed his girlfriend, which happened to be Sunwoo's classmate, was cheating on him with your boyfriend. And you wanted to see it for yourself even more after the guy told he checked the girl's phone location, went to the park and actually saw them.

"Are you done making a fool of me?"

He pulled away quickly from the girl and got up, looking at you with those fake pleading eyes saying the typical "That's not what you think it is", but you knew it was. You stared at him coldly, chewing on your bottom lip to suppress your tears. The girl quietly got up mumbling something you didn't care to listen and left.

Sunwoo took a step closer and that was when you finally broke into tears, filled with anger and sadness. You pointed a finger at him asking how could he do such a thing. Running your fingers through your hair in frustration, you took a deep breath, tired of dealing with his bullshit.

"Let's break up."

"What? But we're fine." You scoffed at this; he must had been kidding.

"No, Sunwoo, we're not fine. I'm not fine. It's enough, I'm tired." He tried to hold your hand but you pulled it. "Do you even care about how you hurt me? Have you ever been honest with me for once?"

"Oh, you want me to be honest? Fine, I'll be honest with you." He furrowed his brows. "You know that first month we started dating? I cheated on you twice. Why? Because I didn't know if what he had was going to last."

And then it hit you like a truck, more than you've ever imagined. A pain that could dilacerate you. Sure neither of you knew whether or not it'd work out, but the scene of Sunwoo shyly asking you out replayed in your head. And then on your first date he confessed he'd already been in love with you for quite some time, and you felt so happy. If he was that in love, wasn't he supposed to at least give his best and try to make the relationship work?

You looked at him in disbelief. So this was his true self? He wasn't even sorry, never had been.

Glaring into his boba eyes for the last time, your entire relationship flashed in your mind. The shared sweet kisses, shy smiles and lovingly glances, the small dates and slow dances in the quiet of his room. Everything now destroyed.

"Don't ever talk to me again." You gulped feeling a lump in your throat, not having any more strength to argue with him.  

You turned your back and began to walk away, tears falling from your eyes again.

Sunwoo didn't say his stupid sorry this time.

[vv3nti]

liar — t. oikawa & h. iwaizumi

synopsis—a love triangle of unrequited love

warnings—angst , unrequited love , break-up , some aspects based off american high school , there may be a little ooc i'm still learning to writing the hq boys sorry :/

a/n—this is a one-shot i wrote i'm hoping to make into a series- i've started part two so that's promised if not a series, send an ask or wtv to be tagged for that <3

“I’m tired of hiding, Tooru. I’m tired of being kept a secret.” You said softly, twirling the necklace around your neck between two fingers. The weight of this relationship finally lifting off your shoulders, but that didn’t stop the inevitable thump growing in your throat. You love Oikawa, you really do, but you can’t keep going like this. Your heart won’t allow it. You want someone proud to show you off and cherish you with all they have. Maybe, your expectations were too high from the beginning; if you had set the bar lower, this all could have been avoided. Or if Oikawa truly cared for you, loved you as he said he did. Whatever the reason, the dull ache was too much to bear. “I can’t do this anymore; it hurts too much.”

Oikawa had not expected those words to leave your plush lips. No, he thought you’d complain again, he’d kiss it better, and you would forget about it, like usual. But this—this was the last thing he wanted to hear. You were happy; he was sure of it. What the hell provoked you to feel like this? “What do you mean? We agreed we would wait.”

“Yeah, months ago.” You wave your hand through the air. You had no intention of allowing the boy to dismiss your concerns, not again. “And every time I mention it, you disregard my feelings like they don’t matter.”

His eyebrows furrowed, a clear frown set on his face. “Of course, your feelings matter to me.”

“If that were true, we wouldn’t be in this situation.” Anxiety started creeping up your spine, a deep shiver demersing. You couldn’t help but feel off-put; if you didn’t end the conversation fast, you knew you’d slip back in his clutches. “Please, don’t make this any harder than it has to be. No one even knew we were together; that means things can go back to normal.”

“Normal?” He mumbled, eyes downcast to the floor. “What does that even mean? Nevermind that—is this about my fangirls? Because I can tell them to back off. Or Mei? Did she say something to you.” Oikawa’s calm demeanor began to wear off, and panic soon set it. The perfect picture he had planted in his head was decaying within the second, and he couldn’t manage the thought. He couldn’t even see the harsh reality behind his imagination; nothing about your relationship was ideal. Oikawa pushed you too far off the deep end, and as he tried to meet his own needs, he neglected yours.

His hands reached out to you, afraid you’d disappear if he didn’t get ahold of you soon.

The mention of his ex stung a little more than it should. But what are you supposed to feel? Tooru was publicly dating her for a lot longer than you've been together and you felt inferior to her in so many ways. They didn't break up on bad terms and you can't help but wonder if he still has feelings for her—it would justify his need to keep you a secret. “No! I’m done, I’m done with this, Tooru. This how couples are supposed to act; I don’t want to act like this. I’m sorry, but I can’t keep doing this. I need time, a break, anything but this.”

That night you both went home with a gaping hole in your chest and beds a little colder than before. Uncertainty crept in; was this a temporary break or a breakup. Neither of you had the answer.

You spent the first day of the long weekend cooped in your room, fresh tear streaks following the tracks on the old. On Sunday, you had to head to the school to decorate lockers for senior night or week in Sejohs case; the volleyball team had games on Tuesday and Friday this week. Luckily your appointed third year was Iwaizumi, so you didn’t have to trouble over an awkward encounter with Oikawa. Monday consisted of endless baking; it was safe to say you went slightly overboard. Assortments of brownies, cupcakes, mini cheesecakes, and peach cobbler aligned the countertops. One might say you’re a stress baker.

On the contrary, Oikawa spent his weekend hounding down on his team with tiring drills and repetitive rotations. His temper was short, and his attitude anything but playful. None of the club members wanted to be the one to confront their captain, leaving him alone in his thoughts—thoughts about you. At night he got little to no sleep, spending his sleepless nights replaying all his wrongs as if the answer will all of a sudden appear. But how is Oikawa supposed to fix a problem he didn’t even know what there.

Tuesday rolled around faster than anyone could have expected. You sat restlessly in the clubroom, waiting for Iwaizumi to meet you there. You requested him to join you in the room, considering you didn’t walk to school with him and Oikawa as you usually would. Regardless of where you interacted, you knew Iwa had many questions, and you’d preferably be interrogated in private than in front of the entire student body.

Iwa rushed into the room, school bag around his shoulder and one of his jerseys flailing in his hand. “Hey,” He spoke, his usually irritated tone nowhere to be heard. Upon seeing him, scorching anxiety rose in your chest. Deep breaths, Y/N, deep breaths. “I brought this.”

“Iwa, hi,” You chirped, hopping on the tabletop and embracing your friend—holding on a little tighter than usual. Despite your constant mantra of ‘I’m fine,’ you did long for some form of comfort. “Yes, right, thank you. Just set in on my bag. I want to show you what I made.” You dragged the boy by his hand to the table occupying your tasty treats. You figured he could share the desserts with the rest of the team once they won tonight. The hopeful look on your face slightly dropped. Iwa didn’t look as excited as you hoped for. Instead, he looked deep in thought, like something was bothering him.

“What’s going on?” He questioned quietly, finally meeting your puzzled eyes. “Come on, Y/N, you cook when you’re upset. Anyone who’s known you for more than a year knows that.”

Mouth ajar and eyes wide, you searched for an excuse to preach to Iwaizumi—although you know your attempts will be futile. Since you were in elementary school, you’ve grown up the boy and had no doubt he would read you like an open book. And if not you, then most definitely Oikawa. “Nothings going on; I just wanted you to have an array of options. Is that so bad? You could be a little more thankful, you know.”

“Of course, I’m thankful for all of this. But I’m going to find it a little concerning when Shittykawa is as quiet as a mouse, and you’ve got bags under your eyes from what? The hours you spent baking through the night?.” Iwa uttered, raising his voice a bit.

Unfortunately, that only further pushed you to the defensive stature. You wished he’d just leave it, shove it under a rug as you did this weekend. “Not everything I do involves Oikawa! If he’s acting weird, then you can ask him about that instead of undermining what I did for you!” You frantically grabbed your bag off the ground, planning to leave the room. “If you didn’t like it, you could have said thanks and thrown it away—”

“Hey, Hey,” A tight grip encloses around your bicep, halting your departure. “I’m sorry, I really like everything you did for me, you know cheesecake is my favorite. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I’m sorry.” Iwaizumi’s grip doesn’t falter, even as your teary eyes meet his own.

The lump grew in your throat as you fought back the waterworks. “We broke up, or I broke up with him, I guess. Can you even break up with someone who didn’t want you in the first place?” You said, through a broken sob. Iwa doesn’t say anything. He just stares at you with the same pitiful look you’ve seen a thousand times. His free hand moved to the side of your face, patting your hair a few times before he pushed your head into his chest. Words wouldn’t provide you with the support you needed, so Iwa simply let you cry in his embrace—secretly plotting all the ways he wanted to beat Oikawa’s ass.

He didn’t need to ask. He knew all the reasons why this happened. Hell, Hajime had seen the foreseeable future unravel when Oikawa presented your relationship.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be such a downer on game day.” You lifted your head, lightly brushing your palms along his uniform, waiting for your tears to dry. The door to the clubroom snapped open, hitting the opposing wall, prompting you and Iwa to rush apart. The look on the face read shocked, more towards the fact you didn’t need the club questioning why you were crying this early in the morning. But the brunette boy in front of you idly took a long, deep breath encouraging you to do the same.

“Oh, are we interrupting something?”

“Just Iwa and his not-girlfriend, what’s new?” Mattsun and Makki seemed to be having a good morning, and not even Iawizumi could shake them out of the teasing moods. Despite their playful banter, you couldn’t help but focus on the silent set of eyes following your movements, and something about his silence was off-putting.

You turned to the two, a sly smile planted on your lips. “I’m not even indulging,” Fake it til’ you make it. “But I did make a small arsenal of desserts, so help yourself-”

“If I decide to share with these idiots.”

“Help yourself-if Iwa chooses to so graciously gift you the pleasure.” You said sweetly, playfully bowing as Mattsun and Makki rolled their eyes. “I have to go to class, so enjoy, and good luck.”

“Here I got it.” Iwa offered, plucking your bag from the floor with a small smile. The kind gesture made your heart flutter, your mood beginning to lift simultaneously. Ever since you were little, Iwaizumi always seemed to know what you needed to feel better, almost like an institution. Maybe that’s why his tone was short and sharp when he told Oikawa to move away from the door as you tried to leave, you’re used to his cold demeanor, but it was unsettling. You didn’t want him to be this angry with his best friend because of you, although it was a little awarding.

Oikawa’s lips laid ajar, fumbling his thoughts to form a reasonable enough sentence. He wanted to say something astounding to you, something that gave you no choice but to come back to him. He planned it all day yesterday, but now as you hide behind Iwa, he drew a blank.

“I’m serious, Oikawa. Move.”

Oikawa hung his head in shame, shuffling to the side, allowing you and Iwa to exit the room. The overwhelming feeling of patheticness climbing his veins. He didn’t mind his best friend’s anger towards him, but this wasn’t rage. Iwaizumi was disappointed, and Tooru couldn’t shake his glare.

Practice was usually a time the boys could assert their worries into energy, but the thick tension left everyone unsettled. Today’s warmup was eerily different.

Tooru watched you bounce in and out of the gym with the rest of the cheer squad; Iwa’s jersey adorned your figure. His expression held that of a kicked puppy, and it was pissing off the rest of the team. They needed their captain in his best frame of mind if they wanted to win.

Hajime’s humorless laugh broke the silence. “I warned you, you know.” Oikawa shifted his attention. “I told you you’d only hurt her, and you continued reassuring me you wouldn't, time after fucking time. And...there was a time I believed you, but you’re a liar, and Y/N sees it too.”

Oikawa’s sadness morphed into anger, eyes twitching as he bit the inside of his cheek. “If I’m a liar, that makes you one too.” He sneered, eyes still downcast on the court. His emotions were on overdrive, plucking and pinching in his mind. Oikawa knew he should resort to this method of release, but he was losing all control.

The ace sucked in a sharp breath, eye blazing. “Yea, well, I can live with that. Can you?”

Coach cut the conversation short, asking why the boys weren’t warming up before the game. The captain and ace have begotten many altercations through the years, but they always found a way to convert their anger into power. Coach Irihata only hopes that proves true with tonight’s game.

You, on the other hand, had a million tasks to complete before you could settle down in the gym, so you ultimately missed the scuffle in the gym. Just that didn’t make you ignorant to the rising tension, and you couldn’t help but feel it was your fault.

[btsandvmin]

How much do we really know?

I really don't understand how any BTS shippers can be confident enough in their ships to turn into “supporters/believers” that believe their ship is real 100%. For any ship. Like even deep diving into some theories or getting literally 100+ reasons from various believers own mouths for why some ships have to be real, nothing has been big enough to count as proof in my opinion. (Of course this includes Vmin.)

Like... They all have questionable moments. Some more than others, sure. But proof of more than very strong and unusually intimate friendships? No.

You could argue some things seem “gay” or has possible LGBTQ+ connections. Like GCF having a LGBT+ song, or 4 o'clock including a reference to a gay movie, or Vmin's literal gay drama whatever that was. But most of it is just fans zooming in on various things and adding their own meaning to it. Like it has to mean something becaues it is connected to your ship. (But only for your ship.) Sometimes, a lot of times, it’s not even directly connected to the ship... It’s just assumed to be connected to them. It’s a guess or a theory, not a fact.

I get questions from Vminies not knowing things about Vmin all the time, and I myself know I’ll never be able to remember or even see everything that is out there with Vmin. And that’s just from the content we are able to consume to begin with. Beyond that is a lot of guessing and assumption based on the fraction of moments we get. But if some Vminies might not even know where the soulmate label comes from, or that 4 o’clock was written with Jimin in mind or that Vmin seem to casually sleep together in private (if we take Tae’s words for it in the Billboard vlive) it’s clear that something I might see as obvious and common knowledge isn’t. Even further it’s clear that other shippers will know even less about Vmin. 

And how can you dismiss something you don’t even know about?

We all focus on, remember or look for/get exposed to our biases or favorite ships the most. Even if we consume the original content we will likely zoom in and see things for our own ship simply because we look for it. And there is nothing wrong with that, it’s natural. But we need to realize it means we will miss things when it comes to other ships, and need to be aware that we know more and end up in echo chambers of both facts and interpretations for our own ships.

It’s so blatantly obvious to me that many non-vminies have no clue about even some of the biggest moments between Vmin. And again, it’s nothing really odd or bad about that... Until you start to act superior even when you lack a lot of knowledge. So much misinformation is spread this way too...

That’s why even though I personally think I know more about other ships than perhaps the regular person, I still won’t preach or explain too much about other ships. Because just as I know others don’t seem to know or notice a lot about Vmin, I know I work the same in regards to other ships. I can’t possibly even remember everything when it comes to Vmin, so how can I with all other ships too?

If I get questions about tae/kook or ji/kook or any dynamic in BTS I might be able to answer it... But I might also lack the full context or might not even have noticed some things to begin with. Coming to me with questions about other ships will give you a very different view than if you ask a shipper focused on that ship directly. I try to be unbiased, but I can’t. I try to be informed but I can’t remember or notice everything. So even if I feel I know a lot, I might never know enough to get the full context of any situation regarding BTS. 

Of course trying to remember to watch unbiased content is very important and helps to keep a better balance. Or as in my case where I actively looked up other ship theories and felt “I know enough to see there are weird things and I can’t dismiss everything since we don’t know the truth of what it might mean”. Just as I feel a lot of things about Vmin shouldn’t be dismissed. Many other shippers also came to me and talked long and detailed about why their ship is real and my isn’t. Many times I lacked knowledge about specific situations about other ships, but so did they about Vmin. I don’t think you can dismiss something if you don’t even know about it to begin with, and there is a big gap of knowledge between the shipping communities.

I mean, the way hyung x maknae line ships have so many great moments and you barely see them outside of the actual content. At this point all ships in BTS are big and get attention, but they don’t seem to register the same way in people’s minds, with the focus  always being on the three youngest together.

This is the thing about worrying about “rival ships” too... They only matter if there is a moment between the ones you already see as “competition”. Does anyone worry or cry about Vmin or Ji/kook when Ji/hope or Hope/kook get very intimate and sweet moments? No, because they don’t seem to register at all. 

I wasn’t even able to find a gif of this ji/hope moment from Run recently... (And I can’t add twitter videos from desktop)

Yoon/min holding hands and joking about breaking up.

Meanwhile if Tae/kook have fun together or if Ji/kook does something cute all hell breaks lose. We have been tainted by the narratives from shippers. The more we see and hear about other ships the bigger “impact” they will have on us.

If moments like this between other members doesn’t make me feel insecure about Vmin, then why would any similar moment from Ji/kook or Tae/kook? People need to stop hyper focusing on both skinship and “rival ship” moments in general and stop adding importance to them, especially when they don’t even do it equally with all ships.

It’s not that one is good:

One is neutral:

And one is bad:

They all happen and exist and we need to realize that’s how it always has been and likely always will be. Any interpretations of these moments shouldn’t change how you view them when nothing is even confirmed. They all happen so we should all accept that and be happy the members have close and intimate relationships with each other.

I really don’t think people understand my stance on all of this. I literally don’t mind if another ship turns out to be real (even if any ship being real is probably not that likely), because I trust in Vmin’s relationship after having watched it for 5 years. But since nothing is confirmed I still remain of the opinion that Vmin’s relationship and behavior is weirder than other ships IN MY VIEW, based on MY INTERPRETATIONS. But I am totally ok with being proven wrong, because it doesn’t matter what kind of relationship Vmin have as long as I can trust that the love they express for each other is real. Thus I also don’t have to downplay moments between other ships. They are there and that’s nice.

We lack a lot of information for many reasons even though we do get to see a lot. But even knowing all the things we know, I still don’t think it’s enough for any ship moments to count as “proof”. For example with Vmin, they were denied to sing a song because it was essentially “ too gay” and Taehyung complained about it, but that doesn't mean they have to be a couple and is forced apart by Big Hit.

We put weight into things because we have our biases and guesses and we find things because we look for them. Here are just some things that fans of various communities says have to mean something but to me really doesn't have to mean anything even if proven:

Physical intimacy Emotional intimacy Jealousy Screen time Fanservice “Sexual tension” Heart eyes or any looks in general Joking about being a couple Showering together Sleeping together Being alone together Living together Writing songs about each other Secret signs Hidden messages to fans Hiding in rooms

And so on...

But even If you do want to count these things to mean something, at least acknowledge how many of those things other ships have too. Vmin literally have several of these confirmed as well. Many of these moments either have happened or gets speculated to happen between many ships. You might find your ship isn’t as uniqe as you feel it is if you actually start diving deeper. If you did and it makes you doubt your own ships superiority, that’s good. Being sure won’t lead to any good for anyone.

Also if you wanna go there.... If other shipper say these have to mean something they are either ignoring Vmin or more likely doesn’t know or say it doesn’t mean the same if they do it.

Fine if hand holding and cuddling doesn’t make you wonder about Vmin, that’s totally legit. In fact you don’t have to wonder about Vmin unless you want to. But using excuses for why something doesn’t mean something you don’t want it to mean or downplaying moments or automatically calling them platonic and “not the same” doesn’t mean you can’t be wrong about those assumptions. Especially when you might not know the full context of it. Again, it should go both ways and include moments from all relationships.

I am legit curious how ji/kookers and tae/kookers are able to be so confident about their ship being real with Tae doing the things he does towards Jimin.... Like... They mean to tell me Tae and Jimin being soulmates, Tae wanting to sing a romantic Christmas song with Jimin, Tae writing 4 o'clock, Tae having Sweet night and telling us it's a personal song while he keeps calling Jimin his only best friend doesn't even have a possibility to mean something non platonic? 😗

Soulmates + Friends lyrics + "how could I know one day I would wake up feeling more" + "are you my best friend?" + "sweet night is a personal song" + "Of course Jimin is my only friend" + 4 o'clock/dumpling fight + the not allowed Christmas song + "Jimin-ah I like you the most" + "I told him to come sleep next to me as I was too lazy to go to him" + “we told our candid stories as honestly as possible” + “Oppa, why are you still awake? I’m dreaming of Jiminie” = Vmin is probably the best known guess to what relationship Tae might be talking about in Sweet Night.

Is it confirmed though? Can I call it proof? NO! Because while it fits in theory, we don’t know and we don’t have all the information to know. But I can make a damn good case for it and that’s the whole point. I can do that because I look for material, see things and add them together with a narrative. Just as other shippers do with their ships. In the end it’s all just narratives though, not proof.

Getting all these asks recently just confirms that the people who worry, or who says other ships are real, haven’t read even a fraction of my posts or they just don’t understand them. Or let alone noticed major moments between all BTS members that should show that their belief is not as “obvious” as they might think.

I am tired of insecurities when it shouldn’t even matter. If any ship in BTS is real, let’s support them and be happy. It doesn’t change the dynamics and relationships between the other members if some of them happen to be a couple. What we see is still there. The “worst” that can happen is that our ideas and theories prove to be wrong. 

But let’s at least try to be aware of how little we see and know, and especially about ships that aren’t our own. I am writing about Vmin because there is a lot to see, but me focusing on Vmin also gives me a knowledge about them I can’t compare with other ships. Which is why I won’t sit and write essays about other ships, and which is why Vminies coming to me for information about other ships is going to lack the depth I can provide for Vmin. All shippers are biased and all shippers lack information.

If you want to ship do it, if you want to speculate go right ahead. But be aware that there is a big difference between facts and knowledge and narratives and speculation.

I hope you found this an interesting read. And if you are considering sending me asks worried about Vmin because of interactions between other members or you want to send “statments” or explenations about other ships being real, just know you are barking up the wrong tree.